


Deja vu

by ajoomma



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: F/F, Seulrene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-12-25 18:06:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 32,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18266657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ajoomma/pseuds/ajoomma
Summary: Seulrene now rarely happens in the public's eyes; Irene subtly ignoring Seulgi and being cold towards her. One news happened that shocked the whole ReVeluv fandom and even non-fans— Seulgi is out of Red Velvet, from everything. Speculations are starting— a deja vu, some may call it.





	1. 01:

**Author's Note:**

> ❀ I'm just new to this and English is not my first language, go easy on me folks! Thank you, hope you'll enjoy the story~

Red velvet is a Korean girl group that's been a big role model for all new generation groups. They are active for already 7 years, constantly releasing hit songs and been continuously creating a name on the industry. They are getting near on their 8th year anniversary together.

 

_**" who is your role model? "** that question is usually asked to rookies whenever they have their interviews._

 

_**" Red Velvet sunbae-nim "** and that answer from the rookies usually comes out very naturally._

 

As they create a name as a group, they also began doing solos. 

 

Joy continued rising as a great actress, receiving hates and criticism won't disappear but the amount of praise she's receiving is enough to bury that negativity. Her drama offers are lined-up upon her and she's really hands on to the projects that she'll do.

 

_**" what do you feel about working with the biggest stars in your next drama? "** the interviewer asked._

 

_**" I'm very honored to be able to be in this project, I'm very nervous as well but I'll work hard to not cause any trouble to everyone "** Joy humbly said, smiling brightly, making her eyes smile as well._

 

**_" did your members congratulate you on your upcoming drama? What are their reactions? "_ **

 

_**" they are very happy for me, we dined out the other day to celebrate this opportunity. I'm just very lucky to have them and thankful for the support they are giving me "** Joy warmly smiled, love is shooting out from her eyes **" Red Velvet fighting! Saranghae~ "** she cheered._

 

Yeri, on the other hand, had been composing some music under her English name 'Katy'. She had done music for Wendy, Seulgi, Taeyeon and a lot more big stars in the industry but even so, she remains the baby of the group, the most loved maknae of Red Velvet and SM family.

 

As for Wendy, she has been releasing solo albums that never disappoints everyone, collaborating with foreign artists and more. She also had her American debut which is a huge success, but her American career will need to be more polish in time.

 

The leader of the group, Irene, is snatching every CFs; beer ads, jeans, furniture, cosmetics and a lot more. Her face can be seen wherever you go in Korea and even outside the country. She also had done some dramas. 

 

For Kang Seulgi, aside for her solo albums that are screaming charisma, she has been titled as the next Kim Heechul, her unexpected variety show skills had blown away the netizens. She can be seen on the television almost every day with her regular shows and guestings.

 

The group has been doing well that everyone thought that there will be nothing that can stop them from dominating the industry. But that thought didn't last, not until the mid of their 7th year. A lot of controversies has been chasing them from left to right. Joy's dating scandal, Wendy focusing on her American career, their contract nearing to expire and the news about them not going to resign is circulating, and the issue between Irene and Seulgi.

 

 _'What will happen to Red Velvet now?'_ the biggest question of people.

 

Irene and Seulgi were known for their ship name SeulRene but the netizens seem to notice how the two friends' relationship began to change as the day passes by. The difference in Irene's treatment between Seulgi and the other members can be easily pointed out.

 

A lot of evidence about the girls' issue is circulating. Irene giving Seulgi a cold treatment, Seulgi trying to reach out for Irene but the latter would always avoid her. It wasn't the same as the past at all when they are very close and playing around.

 

In one interview, the issue sparked even more, when Irene has been constantly distancing herself to Seulgi, looking down whenever the latter is talking when in the past, Irene would usually look at Seulgi as she talks. These days, Irene won't even give Seulgi any glance. It's very skeptical that the two has suddenly stopped talking or having interactions. 

 

The netizens have concluded that the Red Velvet members' relationship is slowly drifting apart due to not being together often like in the past. They have grown which is a good thing for every artist, but the problem is they've grown apart.

 

Even though there's an issue like that, their fans never failed to defend them. ReVeluvs have been continuously standing up for them, not making the girls feel that they are going to disappear anytime soon, but ReVeluvs cannot hide the fact that they do feel anxious and sad about what's happening, it can't be denied.

 

The strong faith of ReVeluvs about their idol has shattered down when sudden news about the group started to appear;

 

_'Kang Seulgi is no longer a Red Velvet member!'_

 

_'SM entertainment kicked out a Red Velvet member Kang Seulgi!'_

 

_'Red Velvet slowly beginning to go separate ways'_

 

_'Red Velvet members are having beef'_

 

_'Red Velvet focusing on their solo careers for the time being'_

 

After being silent about the headlines, SM finally confirmed it by releasing an official statement to address the news about the group;

 

_'Hello, this is SM entertainment._

 

_Due to some issues and misunderstandings, we are very sorry to say that Kang Seulgi will be no longer be promoting with Red Velvet and will not be associated with any projects of the company._

 

_We're sincerely apologizing, but we wish to have your continuous support for the remaining four girls. From here on, our agency will continue to support and manage the 4 member group Red Velvet._

 

_Thank you'_

 

No other further explanation was given. After that statement, everyone was left hanging with a lot of questions. 

 

_'Why did Seulgi leave now when her contract is nearing to end?'_

 

_'Did Seulgi left or been kicked out?'_

 

_'If Seulgi was indeed kicked out then what's the reason?'_

 

_'Why didn't the other members opposed?'_

 

_'It was like what happened in 2014...'_

 

_'Deja vu?'_

 

and a lot more questions.

 

Those questions have never given an answer; the company, the remaining red velvet members have been quiet about the issue and even Seulgi herself.

 

The ReVeluvs was left broken; were cut in half, some remains for the group and some for Seulgi alone, but everyone was indeed broken hearted and hurt.

 

* * *

 

After being silent for almost 3 weeks, Seulgi finally held a press conference arranged by her new agency. She has joined the agency which handles her beloved unnie, Sunmi. At first, Seulgi was planning on continuing her career all alone but Sunmi had convinced her to join their agency and of course, the terms and condition are so pleasant so Seulgi agreed on it.

 

 **" what's going to be next for you? "** one reporter asked. Seulgi's new agency made sure that the reporters will know the limitations of their questions. 

 

Seulgi specifically told them that she won't talk about her past label and even her past group. She doesn't want any drama and trouble anymore. She's exhausted about everything.

 

 **" there's a lot of projects that are already line-up for me and what I am definitely looking forward to is releasing a new album this year "** she sweetly smiled as if nothing has happened a few weeks ago. She's looking bright and fresh on the outside but the truth is she's broken and exhausted in the inside.

 

Seulgi's eyes are fluffy when she woke up this day but thanks for the make-up's power, it was somehow got covered up.

 

**" are you going to collab with Sunmi? "**

 

 **" there's no plan yet but if there will be a chance then I'll be happy to do so, it will be an honor for me "** she exclaimed  **" after a** **ll, she's always looking after me and I'm very thankful for that "** she affectionately said.

 

Sunmi still doesn't have a clue about the truth or the whole story of what happened to Seulgi, but the latter didn't question Seulgi and just stood by her dongsaeng's side. Seulgi was very thankful for Sunmi, she will be forever indebted to her senior. If Sunmi wasn't there, she's not sure if she will have the strength to even get up and face the cameras ever again.

 

 **" Have you spoke with your members? _Your ex-members?_ Red Velvet? "** Seulgi froze at that question, her eyes widened but luckily, she's quick enough to compose herself. She looked at her manager with a stiff smile on her face— she clearly said that she won't have any of those.

 

 **" is there any issue between you and the Red Velvet members or are you guys okay? "** another reporter asked and the camera shutter sounds are filling the entire room— capturing every expression she's making. 

 

Seulgi's panicking, she wants to run away or hide from everything, she's fidgeting and tapping her feet on the ground **" why can't you answer? Is there really a fight between you guys? Is that the reason why you got kicked out of the group? "** her heartbeat is racing due to those questions, she's being cornered and she doesn't know how to respond.

 

Her new managers and staffs quickly made an action towards the situation, blocking some cameras and asking the reporters who violated the given rules to get the hell out. While everything's getting messy, Seulgi can only afford to shot a stiff smile, biting the insides of her mouth and trying hard not to cry.

 

Seulgi's drained and broken. She's lonely and hurt, incomplete and shattered— while pretending that everything is okay, her heart ached in the depths of her chest. _Please save me, get me out of here,_ her mind and heart screams.

 

The conference ended, leaving a distressed Seulgi.

 

 **" are you okay? "** Sunmi asked the girl. She visited Seulgi in her new apartment right after hearing what happened earlier.

 

 **" no one would actually say they are not okay unnie "** Seulgi smiled but that smile didn't reach her eyes, her eyes are lonely and hurt while her lips are trying hard to cover up those true feelings.

 

 **" so, you're not okay? "** Sunmi sadly smiled and stroked her dongsaeng's hair **" cheer up, there will always be a rainbow after a rain "** she reminded Seulgi.

 

**" but why does it feels like this rain ain't going to end... like ever... it won't end forever "**

 

 **" then you need to learn how to dance in the rain "** Seulgi sighed. Sunmi has already said a bunch of advice towards her but none of them got absorbed by Seulgi.

 

 **" I know I've said that I'll never ask you about this, but I think it will do you good if you will let everything** **out** **"** Sunmi said **" I'll listen to you "**

 

Seulgi bit her lip, hugged her knees to rest her face on it **" what happened is very fast and got out of my control "** she bitterly smiled.

 

 **" I've known that things will eventually fall down since last year, ever since I talked about my feelings towards Irene unnie, I've already expected that. It was so stupid of me to talk about such a thing, I hoped for a good outcome but... "** Seulgi shook her head.

 

 **" I thought if I devoted myself to someone then they will do the same "** a tear had left Seulgi's eyes **" we hug, hold hands, we laugh at the silliest things together, we traveled together a lot, protected each other, always there for one another through thick and thin times, exchanges of 'I love you' and compliments, late night talks about our future— "**

 

**" I thought doing those with her means something, but I thought wrong "**

 

Sunmi is slowly getting where everything has started. Sunmi always knew about Seulgi's affection towards Irene, not only as her unnie but as a lady. She knew about Seulgi's sexual orientation even she hasn't asked the girl about it.

 

**" the day I asked her about us is also the same day I've lost everything about us. The day I took courage to know what's going on between us is also the day I've lost the way she looks to me "**

 

**" Seul... "**

 

**" but it was fine with me, at least I didn't lose everything— and by means of everything, I mean I didn't lose the chance to see her every day even she won't look at me anymore. I am still part of the group, I'm still a member of the group I've worked hard for all these years "**

 

Sunmi reached Seulgi's face, gently wiping away the girl's tears that are now flowing uncontrollably down the latter's cheeks.

 

 **" but that chance didn't last long "** Seulgi bitterly chuckled, lifting her head up to prevent herself from crying more— she's tired of it yet the tears seem endless, she hates it **" all I wanted is to stay but look at me now, I am out— such a bullcrap "**

 

**" the agency found out about what's going on between Irene unnie and me, they can't afford to have such big outrage and so, they resorted to a less impactful one— kicking me out, terminating my contract "**

 

**" they would not kick out the face of the company so they chose me instead, I'm not angry about that— I am happy that Irene unnie stayed, but I can't help but feel betrayed and hurt... it's just... I don't know anymore "**

 

Sunmi can only caress her dongsaeng's back, she can't empathize her sadness because she had never experienced such thing but imagining that situation, Sunmi can say that Seulgi is one hell of a strong woman. 

 

 **" one morning, I woke up being only a Kang Seulgi, not Kang Seulgi who's a member of the girl group, Red Velvet "** Seulgi looked at her unnie, eyes are very red from tears **" unnie... I'm not okay, I'm not going to be okay "** she honestly said as her voice cracks.

 

Sunmi pulled Seulgi inside her embrace, she may not be able to replace Seulgi's members' warmth but at least Seulgi can feel that she's not alone, that she's not going to leave the girl in her darkest days. 

 

Seulgi uncontrollably sobs on her unnie's shoulder, letting out all of the pain in her heart that she's been hiding.


	2. 02:

Red Velvet's career continued even without Seulgi, their race continued as if nothing has happened. They step on stage without any trace of loss or sadness, smiles were plastered on their lips which makes everyone feel bittersweet.

 

ReVeluvs are happy that they are getting through this just fine but they also feel bitter about their smiles— how can they smile when one of their sisters is now gone?

 

Red Velvet is going to perform today at a festival, a big stage is waiting for them along with the big crowd, cheering and chanting their names. Today as well is the same day that Seulgi's announcing her future plans, but not as part of Red Velvet, but as a soloist under a different agency.

 

Wendy shut her eyes closed as they get ready backstage, taking numerous deep breathes and calming her nerves— _no, I shouldn't make any mistake, not today,_ she continuously pleaded to herself.

 

Wendy is the only member who rushed to the company after hearing the news about Seulgi, breaking into the CEO's room and started to question things, but her words were unheard. Her pleading for her sister's sake seemed useless, SM entertainment has already made a decision and no one can actually change it— _no one._

 

_Wendy was dragged out of the CEO's office._

 

_**" why!? "** Wendy frantically shouted in front of her manager **" what misunderstanding are you guys talking about!? Seulgi's working for her next album, right? So what kind of misunderstanding are you saying? Why so sudden!? "**_

 

_**" calm down Seungwan "** her manager pleaded._

 

**_" how can I calm down!? Tell me, how!? "_ **

 

_**" the decision has already made, we can't do anything about this "** her manager sighed **" we are also saddened about what happened, but no one can actually go against the company and you know that well enough— you know that more than anyone in this building "**_

 

**_" but oppa... this is very nonsense. We're just together yesterday and now you're saying Seulgi's out of the picture? Are you guys fucking kidding me right now? "_ **

 

_**" Seungwan "** her manager sighed for the ninth time **" we can't do anything about this, I'm sorry "** he shook his head, looking very sorry at Wendy who's trembling in anger._

 

_**" ok, tell me— at least tell me the reason why Seulgi had been kicked out. I need an explanation, an acceptable reason! "** Wendy calmly asked, gripping on the nearest chair beside her to calm herself down._

 

**_" I don't know either, no one knows the actual story "_ **

 

_**" what kind of... then who knows the reason behind this? Who else? Only the CEO? "** she asked, gritting her teeth **" then I'm going to go back there and ask him myself! "**_

 

_**" Irene! "** her manager loudly said, stopping Wendy from her steps **" as far as I know, Irene knew the reason behind this. She was called here the other day alone and then the news about this has circulated "**_

 

_**" Irene unnie? "** the manager nodded.  _

 

Yeri is very immune to any hates in every damn performance they are going to make, so her being lonely and aloof isn't new to everyone— she can express her sadness the way she wants it because even she smiles or not, hates are coming, nothing new.

 

The maknae were reminded of the times where she used to have those harsh words as her breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Throughout those hates, she had her members cheering her up especially Seulgi who's deliberately making herself look like a fool just to make the latter smile.

 

_**" Yerim-ah, do you want to go to McDonald's? "** Seulgi asked, she can sense how lonely the younger girl is just basing on how she's staring blankly at the ground._

 

_**" I'm okay unnie "** Yeri smiled and even hitting Seulgi's shoulders **" you don't need to worry about me! "** she chuckled a bit._

 

_**" eh? I'm not worried about you, I just want to grab some McDonalds "** Seulgi shrugged and looked weirdly at Yeri **" not everything is about you, silly! "** she cheekily smiled and pinched both of Yeri's cheeks, stretching it out to force Yeri's smile to come out._

 

**_" but it's bad to have negativity as a meal, don't you think so? "_ ** _Seulgi asked_ **_" so what? Wanna go grab some fries with me? Burger? Chicken? "_ **

 

_**" your treat? "** Yeri raised her eyebrow._

 

_Seulgi can't resist the maknae, she's weak and soft for the younger girl **" araso, araso— change your clothes and I'll treat you wherever you want to go! "** she exclaimed confidently._

 

_**" I wanna go to Europe! "** Yeri absurdly shouted._

 

_**" there's McDonalds nearby, we don't need to fly to Europe for that! "** Seulgi lightly hit Yeri's head **" eh?? You said anywhere I want to go! "** Yeri protested, she's kidding but she's happy that Seulgi's riding in her jokes._

 

_**" if I won the lottery then I will bring you there "** Seulgi oaths **" or in our 10th year anniversary as a group "**_

 

_**" we're grandmas by then! Oh no, it's just Irene unnie "** they both chuckled._

 

Joy, on the other hand, had just finished her drama recently and looking exhausted will be understandable for everyone. She won't bother to smile brightly because, in reality, she can't— she just can't. 

 

Joy was filming her drama when the news about Seulgi broke out, she found out from SNS.

 

She thought at first that it was just an absurd gossip and issue, but when she read SM's official statement, there she realized that it wasn't just a mere joke or trolling. It's true and she can't do anything because she's stuck at the filming set or even she's not, she's not sure if she can prevent such thing from happening especially if the company has already released a statement.

 

 **" water? "** Irene handed Joy a bottled of water, she just looked at their leader and eventually accepted the water **" are you okay? You look** **dead beat** **and about to faint "** Irene worriedly asked.

 

Out of the four, Irene is the only one who's keeping a strong facade in the midst of everything. She answers the questions that the other members are not capable of answering and leading the girls as they bewail over Seulgi's departure. Well, after all, she's the leader, it's her responsibility to do so.

 

 **" maybe not... maybe yes "** Joy shrugged and sighed.

 

Out of all the girls, Irene was the only one who seemed to know what's the whole story of Seulgi's departure, but no one has dared to question her. Wendy kept her loud mouth shut, Yeri kept her sharp words to herself and Joy kept her curiousness all to herself.

 

Like the ReVeluvs and all the people who're curious about the reason why; the remaining three members are also asking the same question, but they were left in darkness as well. It's unfair for them but they can't demand and say anything against their unnie.

 

 **" you guys are up next "** their manager came up to them **" just... do well "** he smiled and mouthed 'fighting' to the four girls.

 

They bravely took upon the stage, silently going to their adjusted position since Seulgi isn't going to be there anymore. 

 

Bad Boy is playing and the performance felt so empty even how energetic the crowd is, they knew what's missing and they can't help but feel emotional and show their emotions. They are sad about everything, God knows how lonely they were about this.

 

No one's covering Seulgi's lines, even Wendy and Joy was already given instruction about it. They just kept on dancing when it's Seulgi's part and letting the music take over and the crowd's shouts.

 

 **" hello everyone, are you enjoying tonight!? "** Irene brightly asked the crowd after they performed. The crowd answered actively while waving their light sticks **" thank you for coming today! "**

 

Wendy coughed, clearing her throat **" what song do you want for us to sing next!? "** she brightly asked the crowd as well, but that question didn't get any song request, instead, a name is repeatedly getting chant.

 

 **" KANG SEULGI! KANG SEULGI! KANG SEULGI! "** the crowd shouted making everyone froze at their position for a quite while. They can't control crowd this much so the only thing that they can do is get into their senses.

 

 **" KANG SEULGI! KANG SEULGI! KANG SEULGI! "** as the crowd chants Seulgi's name, the music for 'One of These Nights' played. The members weren't sure if it's the best thing to do, to sing such kind of song right now, but they did anyways— well, in this song they don't have to dance, unlike their other songs.

 

 ** _" I’ve stopped in that day with the old story, I’m going through heartache longer than the times we loved "_** Wendy sang Seulgi's part, her voice cracked and she's trying very hard to keep herself together and not have a mental break down.

 

Yeri has completely bawled her eyes out, she can't pretend anymore, she's hurt and broken— she's a singer who should be singing her emotions out, not an actress that should act from the given script.

 

**_" Let’s meet again one of these nights, let’s meet again one of these nights "_ **

 

* * *

 

 **" don't talk about _her_ or anything that can be associated to _her_ " **their manager is briefing them, saying things that they can and can't do— if they just can, they could have given the girls a script.

 

Red Velvet is invited to a radio show of their dongsaengs, NCT Johnny and Jaehyun. Even they are on the same label, they are rarely seeing each other due to their deadly schedules.

 

 **" we'll read some questions from your** **fans** **"** Johnny said as they introduce the next segment **" there's a lot of questions, almost half a million questions were sent to us! "** he overreacted said which made everyone giggle.

 

 **" but seriously, a lot of questions arrived at our humble inbox but unfortunately, we just have to pick 5 questions out of those "** Jaehyun said and they gave some cute 'awww' reactions.

 

 **" are you guys ready? "** Johnny glanced at his seniors.

 

 **" yes! "** they answered in chorus.

 

 **" for the first question, from** **blessmebaechussi** **— wah, that's one unique username "** they burst out laughing while Irene was left blushing due to that peculiar username **" what habit do you guys hate from each other? Irene unnie saranghae, Red Velvet hwaiting! "** Johnny said the last sentence in a most cutest way.

 

 **" actually, even we've been together for a very long time, we still get shocked about things that we discover from each other "** Wendy said.

 

 **" yes, for example— Wendy unnie has developed this habit when she's sleeping "** Joy gritted her teeth, imitating Wendy's sleeping habit.

 

 **" ya! "** Wendy protested, hitting Joy's shoulders and covering her face **" this is really a fact, I even have a video of that! "** Joy enthusiastically said.

 

 **" aigoo, our members do that a lot as well and it's really getting annoying** **sometimes** **"** Johnny said **" I know right! "** Joy exclaimed, knocking down the embarrassed Wendy.

 

 **" so what else? Let's dig some graves here "** Jaehyun humorously said with a bright smile.

 

 **" Irene unnie really hates this one "** Yeri said, gathering everyone's attention **" she hates when someone cracks their knuckles, she gets mad... woman "** Yeri realized what she's about to say, but still finished off with a bright tone.

 

 **" next question... "** the two guys were quick enough to get what's happening and immediately go on to the next question.

 

Everyone knew how Seulgi loves to crack her knuckles whenever and wherever she is. It is an undying habit of the girl, she loves when the cracking noise is so loud that people who can hear it usually get shocked about it.

 

**" and lastly, from ReVeluvforlife— if you have something that you guys want to say to one another, what is it? Let's stay strong Red Velvet! Let's be together for a very long time, saranghae "**

 

 **" we love you too "** the girls answered their fan's affectionate words.

 

 **" let me turn on a very touching background music for this one "** Johnny said **" should we get some tissue as well? "** he kiddingly asked.

 

 **" actually, there's nothing that we have to say to each other since we're very vocal towards our feelings and we usually get each other even from just a single eye contact "** Irene proudly said **" but I have one wish for us, like our fan said— let's stay together... for a very long time "** Irene said with a very loving tone of voice.

 

 **" I'm always been thankful for your support "** Wendy gestured the girls **" yeah... "** she nodded her head with a sweet smile **" let's do this together until we are too old to even go on stage "**

 

 **" aigoo, what segment is this? "** Joy laughed awkwardly at the emotional atmosphere that's going on **" I will keep it short because I don't like Wendy unnie to cry— I'm thankful, happy and I love you guys from the very bottom of my heart "** Joy even reached onto Wendy, acting like she's going to kiss the girl. 

 

 **"** **uhhh** **... "** Yeri paused for a second, thinking about what she wants to say **" I promise to work hard every day, wash the dishes after I eat, fix my bed "** she looked over Irene and smiled cheekily.

 

 **" I have nothing say, I can't think of any— I'm just happy to be with these girls, they are my strength. I'm very happy to be given a chance to be with them. They are more than just my friends, workmates and members to me, they are my sisters "** they didn't expect the maknae to say such words at this time.

 

Yeri avoided her unnies' eyes and slightly looked down **" unnies, thank you for being with me— let's be happy. I wish for your happiness, let's meet again someday and redo things "**

 

 

* * *

 

It's rare for the girls to have dinner at their humble dorm together. Joy had recently moved out to live with her parent's house so the three girls were the only ones who were left in the dorm.

 

Eventually, in time, they knew that one of them will move out soon— it's just a matter of time and timing who will go the next.

 

Irene cooked for the girls and they've ordered some foods as well, it's like a feast in front of them but no one seems to be enthusiastic about the foods. 

 

They are eating quietly even though they should be talking about each other's day or something that can live up the dead atmosphere.

 

 **" why are you guys so quiet, is the food not good? "** Irene finally broke the ice.

 

 **" it's good "** Wendy assuringly smiled **" it's just... I don't know what to say? It's been so long since we have eaten together and this set up... it's very new to me "** it feels very empty having one chair empty.

 

Yeri's just now poking her food with her chopsticks, wanting to say something but doubting if she should be **" unnie... "** she softly approached Irene.

 

**" hmmm? "**

 

 **" it's been... almost a month? One month and a half? "** Yeri paused **" can you now tell us the reason why? We've kept quiet about all the things because we thought that we should, but isn't just fair for us to know the reason about it? "**

 

 **" let's not go there, let's not ruin the night "** Irene slightly smiled.

 

 **" if not now... then when? You owe us the truth unnie "** Yeri now put down her chopsticks **" we can't reach Seulgi unnie, we are banned to even see her— how can we know the truth if you keep on hiding it from us as well? "**

 

**" we only knew parts of it, we don't know the whole reason why. We look like a fool as we go, knowing nothing on what's going on about the group— what's the truth unnie? "**

 

 **" Yerim-ah... "** Joy trying to stop the maknae.

 

**" no unnie, it's time for us to know the reason why— we're part of Red Velvet too, but we were kept in darkness, isn't too unfair? "**

 

Irene stopped eating as well, looking at Yeri nonchalantly **" if I tell you the reason, will there be any change? Will she be able to be with us again? What's the point of knowing if you can't do anything towards the problem? "**

 

 **" unnie! "** Yeri raised her voice.

 

 **" stop now! "** Irene shouted.

 

The exchange of shouting made Joy and Wendy worried about what's going to be next, they tried to get between the girls but the whole thing just went uncontrolled and heated up.

 

 **" why!? Why does it seems like you're very cool about everything!? "** Yeri questions her **" like Seulgi unnie was never been one of us!? You, out of all people, you are the longest person that has spent time with her but why does it seem so easy for you to let her go!? "**

 

 **" then what do you want me to do!? Cry my eyes out!? Stop my life because of what happened!? "** Irene asked her back **" is that how you really see me? Is that really how I seem to be? "** Irene stood up from her seat.

 

 **" I never wanted for us— even one of us to break apart, but what can I do!? "** Irene gritted her teeth **" sure, let's say it's my fault. Hate me! Curse me! Sure it's my fault! "**

 

 **" unnie "** Wendy stood up as well, reaching for Irene but Irene just shrugged her off.

 

 **" it's my fault, happy now? "** Irene looked her members one by one with her very hurt eyes **" but I just hope that you guys know that I never wanted for any of this to happen, I never wished or hoped for this to happen "** she shakes her head as tears had finally escaped her eyes.

 

**" I'm hurt as much as you guys are but I have to put on a strong front every day, I have to deal with everything because I'm the leader— I can't show any weakness because I have to look after you guys first before my own "**

 

**" I'm tired as well, I wish you guys will just know how I feel— maybe then you will understand me as well "**


	3. 03:

Seulgi sighed as soon as her butt felt the soft chair of the van. She just finished the showcase that her new agency had prepared for her— after intensive preparations, she has come back with a very good and catchy song.

 

Seulgi is very much in love with every song in her new album, she worked with a bunch of very good composers like from Hui of Pentagon and Soyeon from G-idle who became her friend from their collaboration last few years. Seulgi has contributed a lot to the lyric writing of the songs— she indeed worked extra hard on this one.  

 

As expected, Seulgi will not be able to go to some music shows and with that, she definitely can't promote her new album properly. She's only hoping for the SNS power, media and her fans who are very happy to welcome her back on stage.

 

She's on a big disadvantage but fortunately, her song is rising on the charts even with the minimal promotions. She's not expecting to have her songs that high on charts but it did and she's very thankful that her fans have made it that possible. Not as high as when she's a Red Velvet member but it's not bad at all.

 

SM Entertainment has blocked Seulgi from every music shows that they can manipulate, it's quite an unfair play but SM is not going to be SM if the agency won't do those sort of manipulative moves. SM does their thing to artists that they kicked out or artists that have rebelled against them.

 

Although Seulgi's promotions are restricted, it's fortunate that in variety shows, Seulgi is unstoppable. Seulgi's in high demand for every shows out there, thanks to her hard work in the past in developing her variety show skills— she can subtly promote her songs in the variety shows that she's attending. It's very fortunate.

 

Seulgi took out her phone from her bag and opened it only to see a bunch of messages bombarding her inbox;

 

 _'congratulations Seulgi, I knew you can do it! Hang in there and I know you can do whatever you want. Let's meet up soon and catch up, I miss you'_ and a bunch of heart emojis was sent to Seulgi from Yoona.

 

Yoon has left SM entertainment a few years ago and joined Blossom entertainment along with great actors to pursue her acting career. Although SNSD has disbanded, the did a very beautiful farewell to their fans, leaving a beautiful memory and showing huge gratefulness for everything that their fans have given to them, for the journey that they spent with them. 

 

Seulgi once wished to do that kind of farewell when the time comes but unfortunately, it won't happen now. It saddens her to think that she wasn't able to say a proper goodbye to every ReVeluvs that has supported her. Although ReVeluvs is still there for Seulgi—  Seulgi just wished she could have said her farewell as a member of Red Velvet.

 

 _'Omo! omo! omo! I told you, you can do it! I'm very proud of you! I'm going to go to your apartment later this day, we need to celebrate this! Congratulations Seulgi-ya!'_ Sunmi said. Sunmi didn't fail to promote her dongsaeng in her social media as well, doing everything she can to help Seulgi.

 

There's a bunch of messages of congratulations and love that Seulgi has received, every single of those meant a lot for the girl, but there are messages she wants to receive from certain people although it's kinda hopeless— she wants to hear her ex-member's opinions and congratulatory about her comeback like in the good old days.

 

After browsing through her message inbox, she then went to her SNS—  she just hit 3 million followers on Instagram even it was created so recently. Her Instagram account only has 3 photos in it; her photoshoot from her album jacket, a selfie with her Sunmi unnie and a picture of a meal that her fans had prepared for her.

 

Seulgi didn't go through her Instagram to check her follower count, she opened it to visit the account that she used to belong in; Red Velvet's Instagram account. She browsed through the girls' account, making herself updated to her ex-members' life, but what got her attention is the pictures that have gone missing.

 

_Red Velvet.smtown has removed every trace of her._

 

 **" Yeah, it makes sense "** she bitterly smiled and immediately turned her phone off, shutting her eyes closed and comforting her aching heart **" it would be weird if I will still be in that account if my face will be... it will be weird "** she softly uttered.

 

* * *

 

 **" KANG SEULGI! KANG SEULGI! KANG SEULGI! "** the whole place was filled by loud chants of Seulgi's name, the amount of love that Seulgi's receiving from the crowd is so insane.

 

From the corner of the place, a girl who's wearing a mask, cap and a simple outfit can't help but to shed a tear and have a proud heart. She's looking at the stage, proud of how Seulgi's managing to stand up on her own, performing the best like she always uses to do— Irene can't help but to smile under that mask and clap her hand from afar.

 

Irene attended Seulgi's showcase without anyone's knowledge, she ditched her schedule for today, ditched her manager and drove by herself to the place. She might get in trouble but seeing Seulgi's first stage as a solo artist— Irene won't trade that for anything.

 

Irene's phone continuously vibrating from her pocket, probably her manager looking for her. At the 30th call from her manager, Irene decided to leave, looking for one last time at the smiling Seulgi in the stage **" you did well "** she softly uttered before turning her back.

 

_**" unnie, do you think I will do well as a solo artist? "** Seulgi asked and tilted her head to look at Irene who's laying beside her. They are at the dorm, waiting for their manager to arrive._

 

_**" hmmm? "** Irene looked at Seulgi as well, locking eyes as if nothing matters more than each other **" you want to go solo? "** she asked with a frown._

 

_**" no, I mean—  I'm just thinking if I didn't get to be in the group and became a solo, do you think I will get where I am right now? "** Seulgi asked again._

 

_**" of course you will, silly "** Irene softly smiled, reaching Seulgi's hand that's resting alone on the bed **" but you'll do even well with us "** Irene lifted their intertwined fingers **" Red Velvet will not be Red Velvet without a Kang Seulgi "**_

 

_**" hmmm... and Red Velvet will not be Red Velvet without you Irene unnie and Wendy and Joy and Yeri "** Irene nodded and they smiled sweetly at each other._

 

Irene arrived at the dorm after having an earful from her manager. She was welcomed by an empty and quiet dorm.

 

Yeri's probably sleeping over Taeyeon's place because, since the heated argument between her and Irene, she became aloof of Irene's presence. Wendy's busy on her American album and Joy's getting ready for her next acting project.

 

Irene's supposed to be busy today as well but since she ditched her schedule, they had no other choice but to apologize to the management team and ask for a reschedule. Irene really did cause a lot of inconveniences today.

 

Irene sighed from the exhaustion that she's feeling inside her body **" being inside my head is so exhausting "** she whined but instead of going straight to her own room to rest, Irene chose to enter a room that Seulgi used to occupy.

 

The once lively room looks like a compartment of unused things now, with a bunch of boxes and overall dull looking room. The side table that used to have a lot of picture frames of Red Velvet's pictures, Seulgi's pictures and their pictures— it's all gone.

 

Irene weakly sat down on the bed that Seulgi used to sleep in, running her fingers through the soft bed and remembering how she lays down in there along with Seulgi when there are thunderstorms.

 

_Seulgi woke up from her sleep when she felt someone crawling on her bed—  in fear, she immediately opened her eyes and a sigh of relief went out when she found Irene beside her **" unnie, what are you doing here? "** sleepy Seulgi asked._

 

_**" it's... the sky is scaring me "** Irene mumbled **" can I sleep beside you for tonight? "** Seulgi smiled with very understanding eyes, her unnie is a _ _scaredy_ _cat._

 

**_" hmmm... of_ ** **_course_ ** _**"** Seulgi hummed and even tucked Irene underneath the blanket that she's using **" I'll even hug you as a bonus "** Seulgi giggled and wrapped her arms around the small figure of Irene, very gently but a securing feeling is given._

 

_**" thank you "** Irene softly said as she moves closer to the younger girl, close enough to feel Seulgi's beating heart._

 

**_" my pleasure "_ **

 

Irene bit her lip when memories began to rush through her mind—  memories that she never wants to forget but also she wants to at the same time, a twisted wish she has. The more memories that she remembers, the more pain she feels but the fewer memories she has, the lonelier she feels inside her heart. She can't understand herself.

 

Irene ended up laying down on Seulgi's bed, reaching for the pillows that still has Seulgi's fragrance on it, holding it tight and close. She shut her eyes close, letting her tears quietly race down her cheeks.

 

_Confused, Irene walked inside one of the rooms of their agency. She was suddenly called in even she's in the midst of her schedule, it seems so urgent and important so she rushed immediately with a very nervous heart. She's afraid this is going to be something that involves her group and it will be very bad news._

 

_Irene was motioned to sit down at one of the chairs inside the room, she cautiously did what she was told to do and quietly waited for things to come her way._

 

_**" we're all busy people, I'm not going to beat around the bush and just say what's going to happen "** the CEO in a very monotone voice " **Red Velvet is going to be  a four-member group starting from this week "**_

 

_Irene's eyes immediately widened, her mouth gapped a little and the look of surprise is written all over her face. She's confused, why? What's happening? She asks herself._

 

_The CEO looked over Irene's direction **" as a leader, I would like you to know what's going to happen beforehand so when the news breaks out you won't be shaken up. You need to guide the group in the midst of this crisis and you have to be strong for everyone "**_

 

_**" what... what are you saying? I can't understand what you're pertaining to say "** Irene said._

 

_**" Seulgi's out of the group "** it was too simple and very clear but Irene seems to have a hard time absorbing what she has just heard._

 

_**" what... what? I mean... why? This is a joke "** Irene shakes her head, as her hands tremble from everything that's she's feeling right now._

 

_The CEO harshly threw an envelope in front of Irene, spreading out a bunch of pictures of her and Seulgi. It was taken from the night when Seulgi wanted to clear everything between them._

 

_**" this... this is nothing "** Irene bravely looked at the CEO **" there's nothing going on between us "** she repeated herself._

 

**_" even how true you're saying is, do you think people will believe you? They believe in what they see Irene and those pictures speak very loudly. Be thankful that we're quick enough to stop those pictures from spreading out "_ **

 

_**" I promise to not let anything like this to happen again! "** Irene immediately said, gripping on the tiniest hope that she has **"** **please, just please don't do this "** her pleaded went to vain when she saw the CEO shake his head with a stern look._

 

_**" no "** it was a firm answer._

 

_**" if you're going to kick her out, I oath to leave this company! "** and that's last straw that Irene has with her but it did nothing against the situation and instead, it just garnered a big laugh._

 

_**" go on and leave, let's see who's going to win "** a smirk went off from the CEO's lips **" I'm doing you two a favor here, look at the possibility if everyone would know what's going on between you two— it's not just the two of you who are going to have a destroyed career, think about your members as well "**_

 

_**" and think about how pissed I am about all of this shits, I am very pissed about this— this has ruined our plans for the near future but I'm being kind enough to do just this thing "** _

 

_**" you know for sure that what's going on between you two is a taboo in this country, and the outrage will surely destroy you, Seulgi and the rest of the girls "** Irene shut her eyes close, even how much she thinks of this, it's true._

 

_She is cornered when the other girls were mentioned, it's like a choice of whether she would be killed by a gun or a knife. It wasn't just her and Seulgi's career is at stake but also Yeri, Joy and Wendy's. Irene can't bear to ruin their career especially that they are not involved in the issue in the first place._

 

_**" kicking out Seulgi will leave a big issue and questions but it's going to be a small one compare to those "** pointing the pictures in front of Irene **" if we figured those out, do you think you can hide that from everyone? I'm just doing better patching to this whole thing, Irene. This is going to be good for every one of us "**_

 

**_" then go on and kick me_ ** **_instead_ ** _**"** Irene said making the CEO raise his eyebrow. _

 

_Irene is sure that she's not that great, that she might lose her position in this industry once she leaves SM and the group, but she can't also let Seulgi face this kind of things— she has done enough pain towards the girl and she swears that it's enough._

 

**_" we can't do that Irene—  it's Seulgi and it's final "_ **

 

Wendy arrived at the dorm, drain and exhausted. She went straight to the kitchen and one-shotted a glass of water. When she's about to go to her room, she saw Seulgi's room slightly opened.

 

With joy in her eyes and hope that Seulgi has come to the dorm, she immediately rushed and barged in **" Seul... "** her bright expression faded when she saw Irene laying on Seulgi's bed, but no trace of Seulgi anywhere.

 

Wendy sighed and quietly walked towards Irene to cover the girl with a blanket **" you must be hurting more than everyone else "** Wendy murmured as she gently wipes away Irene's tears, avoiding to wake the older girl.

 

Wendy sighed and went out of the room with a heavy heart—  _why on hell is this happening to us? I want to go back to the times when we're all together, struggling out of exhaustion, but always together for each other. It's more fun back then even we're still finding a place in the cruel industry._


	4. 04:

**" why don't you date? "** Seulgi's brows furrowed, looking at her Sunmi unnie weirdly because of the total random suggestion. They are just talking about kimchi and now the 'dating' suddenly enters. 

 

 **" we aren't even drinking unnie, are you drunk? "** Seulgi ridiculed her.

 

 **" I mean you're not getting any younger Kang Seulgi and our agency is very open to that kind of topic, you can date whenever you want and if our agency forbids you, just tell me, I'm going to fight them "** Sunmi shrugged, eating a spoonful of cake as she talks.

 

Seulgi laughed at that cute threat that her unnie made. Sunmi sure holds a lot of power over the agency, well, after all, she's been the money maker of the agency for so long. It's hard to oppose the breadwinner of the company especially if that breadwinner has a very strong will.

 

 **" there's no age in this industry** **unnie** **"** Seulgi said **" we can only date without any buzz from everyone once we let go of our job and settle as a normal person "**

 

No matter how long you're in the industry, once you dated someone who's most likely opposed by the people, it's not going to work. The people hold a lot of power over a celebrity's life, it's like they are being owned by the people who they barely knew or even never met before. That's a con for being in the spotlight.

 

If you're strong-willed about what you want then you can most likely handle everyone's negativity but as for Seulgi's case right now, she wants to live as peacefully as she can. She's having a rough life these past few months and she's not going to dig another grave for herself.

 

 **" and unnie just so you know, I'm not interested about dating you. If you're hitting on me right now, I'm straight up rejecting you here "** Seulgi kiddingly said.

 

 **" ya, do you want to have a legit hitting? "** Sunmi chuckled hard at her dongsaeng's imagination **" I'm not going to date you either! "** she exclaimed. Seulgi knew that her unnie is seeing a non-showbiz person and she's really happy for her.

 

 **" but seriously unnie, I'm not really interested about dating right now "** Seulgi smiled **" I just want to enjoy my life right now "**

 

 **" you don't want to date or... "** Sunmi teasingly raised her eyebrows and smiled **" the person you want to date isn't around? "**

 

 **" unnie... "** Seulgi seriously said, she wants to avoid talking about such things.

 

 **" do you think love can hide forever if you pretend that it isn't th** **ere? "** Sunmi asked making Seulgi sigh as a sign of annoyance.

 

**" araso, araso but if you're interested in dating just tell me. I have a couple of people who want to meet you and I will tell you, they are flaming hot and kind as well "**

 

 **" you sound like you're selling some sort of furniture "** Seulgi shakes her head.

 

 **" what do you want? A hot c** **hair?** **Kind table? A loving lampshade? I have all those sorts of deals "** Sunmi winked.

 

 **" stop it unnie "** Seulgi can only giggle with Sunmi's absurdness.

 

* * *

 

_'Irene of Red Velvet and Taeyong of NCT is confirmed dating!'_

 

_'Irene and Taeyong dating for 4 months now!'_

 

The news has caused a big outrage from everyone. The dating news is so sudden and nobody saw that coming. 

 

It's getting a lot of attention especially that they are one of the most popular members of their own groups and they are recognized as the holy visual by everyone. The sudden news took the whole fandom in shock.

 

It was said that Taeyong and Irene were spotted going out of a restaurant and leaving in the same car. A lot of pictures of the said happening is circulating rapidly around the internet, garnering a lot of negative and positive comments.

 

_'daebak, she's just facing an issue last few months from the sudden departure of Seulgi and she really has guts to even date? Wow, she must have really not cared about Seulgi at all and just enjoying her life. Way to go Irene!'_

 

_'omg, they look so good together! The amount of visual is exploding, hoping to see more of them! This ship is going to be superior!'_

 

_'this is disgusting'_

 

_'people need to stop the hates, let them date! They are humans like us, Jesus. Toxicity is indeed something'_

 

_'Irene you're such a bitch! Taeyong is mine, fuck off you slut!'_

 

_'I feel sad'_

 

SM also released a very welcoming statement about the couple _'They have started off as close sunbae and hoobae, the two recently developed feelings for each other and are in the beginning stages'_

 

 **" unnie is it true? "** Joy asked Irene with very curious eyes, she knew that Irene had never even talked to that NCT member and now, dating? That's a big bullcrap.

 

 **" like... how? When? "** Wendy asked as well.

 

 **" she has time to date, why are you guys being nosy about her life? Let her be "** Yeri said while paying no attention to her unnies and just playing around with her phone.

 

 **" Yerim "** Joy reprimand, using a stern voice to their 'rebelling' maknae.

 

 **" it just happened "** Irene shortly responded and shrugged, obviously not answering any of her member's questions.

 

 **" it just happened? What kind of answer is that unnie? "** Wendy frowned **" I know that telling these kinds of things might not be our obligation to each other but unnie, it's really just so unbelievable. What's happening? "**

 

Irene sighed and looked at them in defeat **" this happened because of Super Junior sunbae-nim's issue "** she answered and everyone realized what's happening.

 

SM entertainment has been constantly using their group as a big cover up for every issue; preventing an issue from blowing up by covering it up by another issue. Red Velvet has always been very relevant so they are always getting used by the agency; from their debut till now they are getting used for this kind of things.

 

 **" we're used to this, nothing** **big** **"** Irene said with a soft smile, assuring that everything's going to be alright and she's okay with everything... even it's not.

 

The dating news has created a lot of impact to Irene, she's very used to hates but this time it's really getting out of hand. She's receiving negativity and even death threats from left to right, but she has to smile and pretend that everything's going to be fine, that it will pass soon enough.

 

The treatment really differs according to gender— Taeyong did receive hates but eventually gotten forgiven, Irene, on the other hand, is still garnering hates and even losing some of her fans. It's cruel.

 

* * *

 

It's 2 in the morning and someone's ringing Seulgi's doorbell, she cursed under her breath before standing up from her bed. Scratching her eyes, she walks towards the camera to see who's outside her apartment.

 

Seulgi's eyes widened when she saw a familiar face— it's Irene, continuously pressing the doorbell and even knocking the door. She looks tired and... drunk. 

 

Seulgi doesn't know what she has to do— open the door or leave her there? But then her kind self took over or maybe her love for the girl has taken over and decided to open the door for the latter.

 

 **" what... what are you doing here? "** Seulgi asked.

 

Irene was standing like a statue in front of Seulgi, not moving and just staring at the girl's face and eventually, her tears began to pour out of her eyes. Irene's standing still as she stares at the face that she has been wanting to see for a long time now— now that Seulgi's in front of her she feels like her heart is going to explode.

 

 **" how do you know I live here? "** Seulgi asked.

 

Aside from the reason why Irene's here, Seulgi's very curious about how Irene knew where she's living because aside from the agency, the only person who knew where she lives is... _Sunmi unnie,_ she grunts inside her head.

 

Irene reeks of alcohol **" did you drink? Call your manager now, you need to go home "** Seulgi said once again but Irene shook her head and walked towards her, getting rid of the space between them and slowly, wrapping her arms around Seulgi's body.

 

Seulgi swears that her heart is abnormally beating right now, this is Irene's effect on her. Only Irene can make her feel this way, the feeling of happiness, pain, and love. Irene is amazing enough to make Seulgi's knees weak.

 

 **" I miss you "** Irene uttered softly making Seulgi feel like her heart stop from beating for a second. Seulgi wanted to hold Irene back but a lot of things are holding her back.

 

 **" you're here because you're lonely, not because** **you've** **missed me "** Seulgi nonchalantly said which Irene immediately answered by shaking her head.

 

 **" come inside first, someone might see you "** Seulgi said and broke off Irene's hug from her. Seulgi regretted that the feeling of warmth from Irene's embrace suddenly became cold when it left her body— Seulgi wanted to take it back and let that warmth fool her once again.

 

 **" stay there, I'll get my phone and I'll contact your** **manager** **"** Seulgi said and made Irene sit on the couch before leaving her, but Seulgi hasn't even made one step when Irene once again hugged her. Irene tightly hugged Seulgi from her back.

 

 **" Seul... "** Seulgi bit her lip when she heard that familiar calling of her name from Irene.

 

 **" stop this now, please "** Seulgi pleaded as she lifts her head, preventing her tears from falling.

 

It's 2 am, she just woke up and having Irene acting like this— Seulgi doesn't know how to handle this any longer. She needs to get rid of Irene before herself may show her true feelings— God knows how Seulgi missed Irene and how she wants to hold her every day.

 

 **" Seulgi, I'm tired... "** Irene said using a tone of voice that Seulgi can't ever resist.

 

 **" please unnie, stop this, you already have a... boyfriend. Don't make me misunderstand things again because I always don't get you, your actions and the meaning behind these things "** Seulgi said defeatedly.

 

 **" I don't get me either "** Irene said, burying her face on Seulgi's back.

 

Seulgi slowly took off Irene's arms around her, it's very painful and against her will but she did anyways— _it's the right thing to do because once unnie sobers up, this whole happening is going to be non-existent and she'll just leave me hanging once again._ That's something that Seulgi hates towards the girl, as much as Seulgi's so sure about Irene, Irene, on the other hand, is always doubtful and unsure towards her.

 

Seulgi rushed back to her room, leaving Irene in the living room and locking the door. She leaned her back on the cold wall as she massages her temples.

 

 _It's a deja vu,_ this has happened before but this time Seulgi is the one who turned her back—

 

_**"I can't give you roses every day but I can make you smile for the rest of your life "** Seulgi smiled as she confesses her feelings clearly to Irene. They have been going on acting like a couple without any label and tonight, Seulgi wants to make things clear between them. _

 

**_" Seul..._ ** **_stop_ ** _**"** Irene said **" let's not go there, please**_ **_don't_ ** _**"** she asks._

 

**_" huh? Why... "_ **

 

_**" Seul, there's nothing more than friendship— friendship is the only thing that I can offer you "** those words broke Seulgi into pieces, her smile faded like ashes in the air. The starry sky with the moon shining so bright had seemed to be gradually growing faint along with Seulgi's smile. _

 

_**" unnie, I thought there's... I mean... we... there's us, right? "** Seulgi asked, immediately holding Irene's hand tightly like Irene is her lifeline._

 

_Irene shakes her head, she gritted her teeth as she refrains herself from saying any word that might get Seulgi's hopes high, she can't do that **" there's no us, Seulgi... I'm sorry "** Irene's trying hard to free herself from Seulgi's grip._

 

_**" unnie, I love you! "** Seulgi shouted, tears threatening to pour down **" I know you feel the same way towards me, please unnie, just say it— I won't ask you to have any label towards what's going on with us but please tell me you feel the same way I do "** Seulgi pleads._

 

_**" sorry Seulgi, I didn't knew that my actions would make misunderstanding towards our relationship "** Irene said **" I don't feel the same way as you do, I only love you as a sister not as a lover... sorry "** Irene bit her lip when she saw Seulgi's tears, it's more painful than she thought it will be._

 

_Slowly, Seulgi's grip was loosening, grabbing the chance of it, Irene immediately pulled her hands out of Seulgi's hold._

 

_She turned her back away, unable to look at Seulgi's pained eyes anymore. Irene shut her eyes closed and breath deeply before walking away from Seulgi, trying hard not to look back because she's afraid that she might run back to Seulgi and wipe away the latter's tears and eventually taking back what she said._

 

_When Irene thought that Seulgi's not going to follow her, she let her tears race down her cheeks— I did what is right, this is going to be alright, she continuously said to herself but her mind went blank when she felt Seulgi's presence behind her, hugging her tightly and desperately._

 

_**" unnie... Joohyun unnie... "** Seulgi sobs as she holds Irene tightly **" I know you're not saying the truth, I just want to hear the truth unnie! Please... tell me that you feel the same way, that I'm not just a mere sister from your perspective "**_

 

_**" Seul... "** Irene bit her lip hard, preventing herself from having a crack voice **" let's just make things right, I know you're just confused by the things that we've shared. You might be mistaken what we had as love, I'll avoid you from now on and eventually, I'm sure of it— you'll realize that your feeling right now is not love at all "**_

 

_**" I wish I could apologize for falling in love with you but I can't! "** Irene can feel Seulgi trembling as she cries on her back **" It would be like asking me to be sorry for breathing "**_

 

**_" Seul this is wrong... "_ **

 

_**" if this is wrong, I never knew that something wrong would feel this right "** Seulgi hard headedly said **" you're the most right thing that has ever happened to me unnie, don't call my love for you as a confusion or a mistake... unnie, I'm sincere and I know that everything I feel is true and clear "**_

 

_**" unnie, I love you... "** it was the 2nd time that Irene heard those words from Seulgi tonight and she swears her heart is screaming for her to answer back but her mind says the opposite thing— everything will be ruined once you tell her what you feel as well, no, don't, her mind opposes._

 

_Irene sighed and forcibly removed Seulgi's arms that are wrapped around her **" let's keep a distance from each other for now "** Irene sternly said **" let's... let's act like this never happened "** she said before once again, walking away from the latter._

 

 **"** **hello** **? "** Seulgi said when Irene's manager answered, she still has that manager's number on her phone because it's the same manager who helped her get her things from Red Velvet's dorm  **" Irene unnie's at my apartment, please pick her up here, she's drunk and not in herself "**

 

 **" yes, I'll message you the address "** Seulgi said and hanged up the call.

 

She exhaustedly sat on her bed, not thinking about leaving her room, not until Irene's manager arrives. She's afraid— Seulgi knows that she's not that strong to stop her feelings from taking over the situation. She's weak for Irene and she knows that too well.


	5. 05:

8th anniversary of Red Velvet. The slogan for this day should be '8 years of happiness with Red Velvet from ReVeluvs', but it wasn't actually how everyone feels about this day. For some, today is just the OT4 Red Velvet anniversary, not the actual 'Red Velvet'.

 

For the 8th anniversary of the group, it was planned for them to hold a concert to show their gratitude for their fans but because of the shit that happened, that concert didn't get to be pushed through. Instead, as a celebration for their anniversary, they just got on live to communicate with their fans— through Vlive.

 

 **" it's been 8 years since we debut as a group! "** Joy excitedly said as soon as the live started, spreading an energetic vibe **" woah, I can't believe I withstand you Wendy unnie "** she kiddingly said, taunting her unnie who's sitting right next to her.

 

 **" I can still remember the times when Joy is crying over her diet "** Wendy chuckled **" she occasionally goes to the bathroom but not to do her business there but to eat inside one of the cubicles! "** they chuckle as they reminisce the past memories.

 

 **" I can remember that "** Yeri exclaimed **" I used to go there with Joy unnie too along with... yeah... "** Yeri nearly slipped a banned name **" and I can remember how she cries as she chews and continuously saying, I'll start my diet next week "** Yeri continued as she mimicks Joy's voice.

 

_Joy is garnering a lot of hate about her weight, she's just a teen and it's normal for her to have baby fats but netizens aren't having that reason. They mock and sends a handful of hates towards Joy, making Joy feel how her self-confidence starts to fall down._

 

_It was the first time Joy has received that much hate, she didn't expect for it to be painful. She thought people's words weren't going to be painful as others may think it might be, but when those hates are in front of her, there she realized how painful it is._

 

_**" unnie "** Yeri inside one of the cubicle called for Joy **" unnie "** she knocked on the cubicle next to her where Joy is **" what? "** Joy responded with a crack voice, indicating that she's crying._

 

**_"_ ** _**ya** _ _**! You crying!? "** Seulgi asked in a _ _panic_ _, Seulgi is inside of one of the cubicles as well **" why are you crying!? Are you hurt!? "** she asks again._

 

_Joy sniffs, trying hard not to sob very loudly as she grips on the half-eaten burger on her hands **" I'll start dieting and exercising tomorrow! "** she oaths and took another bite as she tears race down her cheeks._

 

_Seulgi let out a soft chuckle **" Sooyoung-ah "** she sweetly called her dongsaeng **" don't be too hard on yourself, you're beautiful "** she tried to comfort Joy._

 

_**" I agree! "** Yeri exclaimed, obviously chewing burger as she talks **" but I'm much beautiful than you "** she giggled._

 

_**" we are all beautiful "** Seulgi nodded to herself and took a bite on her own burger. _

 

_**" I beg to disagree on your part unnie! "** Yeri jokingly being savage to her Seulgi unnie._

 

The Vlive continued with a lot of stories from their trainee life, how they ditch their vocal lessons to go and play in the arcades, how they hid their manager's phone so they can have more time to eat their meals and a lot more. It's somehow sad stories but those hardships are now something that they can laugh off.

 

 **" Irene unnie, someone said that you're very beautiful today! "** Wendy pointed out.

 

Irene is intentionally being quiet today, she's letting the three take over the Vlive and just talking when it's needed. She doesn't want to have too much attention, the dating issue between her and Taeyong is still hot which means the hates about her is still going.

 

Besides, this anniversary also brings loneliness to her heart. This is not the 8th anniversary that she had pictured on her mind. Irene's disappointed about the turning of events.

 

After almost one and a half hour, the Vlive ended and they bid their farewells to their fans. Saying their thank you, I love you and more appreciative words before finally ending the Vlive.

 

After the Vlive ended, they went straight to the company dinner held in one of the popular restaurants around the area. Familiar faces are in there, their new and old stylists, their managers, the staffs and a lot more. It's like a fiesta, everyone's happy and excited.

 

 **" you're dating Taeyong? I never knew you're into young guys! "** Irene's old stylist teased her. The fact that it's just a media play made it very confidential that only a number of people knew about the truth **" you guys look perfect "** Irene just gave off a stiff smile and thanked her old stylist.

 

The Red Velvet members went inside one of the rooms where they can have time for themselves. There are already prepared food for them and karaoke that they love— they chose to be secluded instead of socializing. Socializing with people seems fun but it's tiring as well.

 

 **" I'm going to sing this! "** Yeri exclaimed, fighting over the mic with Joy.

 

 **" unnie you're drinking too much** **again** **"** Wendy noticed how Irene is so quiet at the corner, just drinking a shot after shot. Irene does drink a lot than usual nowadays, she drinks instead of just jailing herself to the dorm which is a very rare sight for everyone.

 

 **" after you drink, you're going to disappear again "** Wendy bets, Irene is like that these past few days. Drinking excessively and disappearing before everyone's eyes— it's concerning everyone especially Wendy who's very much worried about the older girl.

 

Irene just looked faintly at Wendy and smiled **" just let me be "** she said and drunk another glass of soju **" it's... my getaway "** she softly said. Irene has developed a new habit after drinking excessively and she's not planning on getting rid of that habit anytime soon.

 

Yeri won at the battle of the mic against Joy and Jessica Jung's song began to play 'Almost'.

 

 _ **" I cannot believe I let you go or what I should say, I should've grabbed you up and never let you go "** _Irene gritted her teeth with Yeri's song choice. This song hits her heart so bad.

 

**_" I should've_ ** **_went_ ** **_out with you, I should've made you my boo "_ **

 

**_" Yes, that's one time I should've broke the rules. I should've_ ** **_went_ ** **_on a date, should've found a way to escape "_ **

 

_After that night of Seulgi's confession, Irene did what she told Seulgi— she distanced herself from the girl. Doing it very obviously._

 

_**" unnie "** Seulgi walks toward Irene who just dropped her a short glance  **" don't do this, please "** Seulgi sighed._

 

_**" stop "** Irene _ _reprimand_ _**" I told you, get away from me for the time being— or at least until you realize that what you feel is not true "**_

 

_**" why do we have to do it that way? Why don't you just give me a chance instead? If you really don't feel anything towards me then go out with me and let's try it. I promise to you, I'll be good to you "** Seulgi persuasively said._

 

_Irene turned to face Seulgi, her eyes are stone cold, very different from how she usually looks at Seulgi **" why should I adjust towards what you want? I don't feel anything about you, isn't that enough for you to stop? "** Irene frowned, trying hard to push Seulgi away._

 

_**" just go on a date with me! Just one date! "** Seulgi drew her last request **" if I didn't make you feel anything then I'll stop "** she negotiates but Irene just shook her head._

 

_**" let's not waste our time "** Irene sternly responded **" I don't feel the same way as you do, it's clear and easy to understand. Seulgi, just stop all of this "**_

 

**_" I missed the times that we almost shared. I miss the love that was almost there. I miss the times that we use to kiss "_ **

 

_`[before the confession]` Irene came up to Seulgi who's busy on her phone **" ya, what are you doing? "** Irene intentionally bumped Seulgi's shoulder to get the girl's attention._

 

_**" watching "** Seulgi answered without looking at her unnie who's asking for some attention._

 

_Irene looked over Seulgi's phone and saw the both of them in the screen **" what's that? "** she asked._

 

_**" there's a lot of compilation on youtube about us, I'm watching it "** Seulgi smiled giddily **" there's also a compilation of how you look at my lips whenever I talk, look at this! "** she lifted her phone towards Irene to make the girl see what she's up to._

 

_**" there's something like that? "** Irene asked, Seulgi nodded._

 

_**" watching this, I realized that you really do gawk over my lips whenever I talk! "** Seulgi giggled **" why is that so unnie? "** she looked at her unnie and asked. Their faces are so close but they don't mind that kind of distance, they are comfortable enough towards each other._

 

_**" is it because I have kissable lips? "** Seulgi jokingly said and puckered up, but Seulgi didn't expect what happened next. Her eyes widened, she lost her grip on her phone and immediately distanced herself from Irene **" unnie... "** she covered her lips with her hands while looking very shock at Irene._

 

_Irene smiled and raised her eyebrow **" what was that! "** Seulgi exclaimed **" a kiss on the kissable lips? "** Irene giggled like it's no big of a deal and picked Seulgi's phone up **" I look stupid looking at your lips! "** Irene pouted as she watches the rest of the video while Seulgi is still dumbfounded from what just happened._

 

_Seulgi swears everything about her is so shocked and weirdly, her heart is starting to race. It was her first kiss, their first kiss._

 

 ** _" What happened to us we were almost there. Whoever said it's impossible to miss when you never had, never almost had you... "_** the song ended and Irene suddenly stood up, grabbing her cap and walking out of the room while her members just watch her walk away.

 

Irene silently left the restaurant as she wipes her tears away, she loved that song but right now, it just hit her heart so bad. She doesn't want to hear that song ever again.

 

* * *

 

Seulgi walked towards the door when she heard her doorbell rang, she didn't have to look at the camera to know who it was. She knew exactly who will visit her at this time— _Irene_. This is the habit that Irene has developed, going to Seulgi's pad after getting drunk.

 

 **" I miss you "**  

 

 **" you're drunk...** **again** **"** Seulgi said those for who knows how many already.

 

Seulgi guided Irene inside her apartment, letting the girl lay down on the couch while she gets some warm water to wipe Irene.

 

 **" today is our 8th anniversary Seul... "** Irene drunkenly said as Seulgi wipes her arms gently.

 

**" your anniversary, it wasn't mine anymore "**

 

 **" but Red Velvet won't be Red Velvet without you, right? "** Seulgi gritted her teeth, she wants to scream but she stopped herself from doing so.

 

 **" until when you're going to do this? "** exhausted enough, Seulgi asked.

 

True that Seulgi is anticipating Irene every night even she scolds herself not to. Her heart skips a beat whenever she hears her doorbell rang and seeing Irene outside and hearing those words from the girl, but receiving those only when Irene is drunk... Seulgi can't help but feel pathetic. It wasn't the right love that she wants to have from the girl— she doesn't want to be just Irene's drunk habit.

 

 **" wae? Don't you miss me? "** Irene tilted her head, looking straight into Seulgi's eyes. Seulgi swears that those stares are piercing through her heart, those stares feel like it's looking straight into her soul.

 

 **" you only miss me when you're drunk "** Seulgi bit her lip, her brows furrowed as she contains her feelings **" until when I'm going to receive this kind of affection from you? Until when? When will be the day you'll come to me, not in your drunken state? "**

 

Irene closed her eyes and slightly smiled **" that won't happen Seul, my drunk state is my only escape from reality— in my drunk state, I can do mistakes, therefore, I can only see you in this state "**

 

 **" am I just a mistake to you? "** Seulgi let go of Irene's arms, putting down the towel on the basin **" am I really just a mere mistake to you? "** she asked in despair but Irene didn't respond and just kept her eyes closed.

 

 **" you see me as a mistake while I see you as my paradise "** Seulgi chuckled bitterly **" when I'm with you, love needs no explanation but in your case, everything should have a proper reason for you to be able to be with me "** Seulgi stood up.

 

 **" now, I question myself, why did I even fell in love with you "** she weakly said and walked away from the girl, leaving Irene to go to her own room.

 

Closing her room, Seulgi faced a mirror. She looked at herself full of pity and sympathy **" do I really deserve this? "** she asks herself.

 

 **" I saw her latest picture, she's smiling "** Seulgi smiled as she remembers the picture from earlier's Vlive of Red Velvet **" while me, whenever I look at the mirror, in front of me... I look awful and broken "** she pities herself as she watches her tears once again flow out of her eyes.

 

 **" a day never goes by without me shedding a tear "** she hatefully said to herself and wiped her own tears **" you don't deserve this Seulgi, you don't "**

 

Seulgi reached for her phone, dialing her own manager's number **"** **hello** **? "** her manager picked up her phone immediately.

 

**" unnie "**

 

 **" why? Is there something wrong? "** her manager worriedly asked.

 

 **" I'm going to have a tour, right? "** her manager hummed as an answer **" can I do it as soon as possible? "** she asked.

 

 **" you just finished your album promotion 4 days ago, the agency is giving you time to rest before starting the tour "** her manager explained.

 

 **" no... I don't need rest, I don't wanna rest "** she smiled bitterly at herself **" I want to do the tour as soon as possible, I don't mind if it will be next week, the day after tomorrow or even tomorrow. Unnie, I want to get out of here, please "**

 

Her manager sympathizes her, she just sighed and agreed to Seulgi's request **" I'll talk to the CEO and we'll figure things out, but are you okay right now? Do I need to go to you? Should I call Sunmi-ssi? "** Seulgi shook her head even her manager can't see her.

 

 **" I'm... I'm okay "** Seulgi said and hanged up the phone.

 

* * *

 

Irene woke up with a heavy headache, she looked around— she frowns as she can't recognize where she is. She immediately sat down and looked at her body, _I'm fully clothed_ , she sighed in relief.

 

She looked around and figured out where she is— the familiar things and fragrance, she knew exactly where she is right now. She usually wakes up to her own dorm after extensive drinking, it's the first time for her to wake up in Seulgi's room.

 

 **" this is wrong "** she bit her lip and immediately stood up, roaming her eyes around to see if Seulgi's around.

 

Irene tiptoed as she aims to leave the apartment quietly as possible **" you're awake? "** she nearly stumbled when she heard Seulgi's voice **" I cooked something, have breakfast before going— I'll call your manager "** Seulgi said.

 

Irene can't figure out what's Seulgi's mood right now, she's not frowning, looking annoyed nor smiling. She just keeps a straight face.

 

Irene agreed, she sat down and quietly waits for Seulgi to finish preparing the table. The dishes are very Seulgi— ramyeon, egg rolls, and bread. Seulgi is not the best cook in town and Irene knew that very well.

 

 **" go on and** **eat** **"** Seulgi said.

 

 **" aren't you... going to eat with me? "** Irene shyly asked, looking at Seulgi and looking away immediately— she can't maintain a long eye contact towards the girl, not now that she has already sobered up.

 

Seulgi shakes her head **" I just prepared you breakfast "** she responded and took off the apron **" this will be your last visit here so I want to make you something "** Seulgi announced.

 

 **" don't include me on your drunk habit anymore "** Seulgi smiled, almost like a pleading smile **" go on and eat. I'll go and get my phone to contact your manager "**


	6. 06:

**" Seulgi-san this is our last question for you, everyone's very curious about this! "** the Japanese interviewer asked **" what is your ideal man? "** along with the audience he seemed very interested as well about what Seulgi might going to answer.

 

Seulgi let out a long hum before shrugging **" I don't have any "** she cutely answered, trying hard to go on to the ending of the interview.

 

 **" don't be secretive! "** the girl co-emcee cheekily said, not letting Seulgi off the hook that easily **" everyone wants to know, right!? "** she pointed her mic to the crowd and everyone shouted their agreement.

 

 **" hmmm... I would like to be with someone who makes me very comfortable, laughs a lot with me since I like corny jokes "** she giggled **" and... looks pretty when they laugh "** she nods her head.

 

The interviewer sighed **" I think I'll be eliminated then! I look ugly when I laugh! "** he exclaimed.

 

 **" I agree on you, you do look awful "** the co-emcee agreed which garnered a big laugh **" I would like to have this follow up question— Seulgi-san are you single right now? Seeing anybody or dating someone? "** she curiously asked.

 

Seulgi sweetly smiled and looked at the audience who are anticipating really hard with what she'll going to answer **" I am "** she bravely said and continued with **" I am in a relationship with my fans only "** she cheekily smiled from that mini heart attack that she had caused her fans.

 

 **" woah, we nearly had a World War III there! "** the host exclaimed **" with the ending of this interview, I would like to say thank you for guesting and we would be hoping that you'll come back soon! "**

 

 **" I would really love to come back! "** Seulgi responded.

 

For almost three months, Seulgi has been rarely spotted in Korea. She's on tour and she really does refuse to go back to Korea even there is an opportunity for her to do so. She would smile as she steps on stage almost every day with her fans excitedly cheering for her, but they would never know that the idol that they are cheering for is just pretending to be okay.

 

_**" I hope you enjoyed your day with me!!! "** Seulgi shouted on the mic **" thank you for coming and seeing me tonight~ I hope we can see each other again! "** the last thing she said before going to the backstage and having her bright smile fade as she walks away from the crowd._

 

There were times where she'll travel to three countries in a time span of 48 hours. She hadn't had a proper rest at all. She would skip her meals to comply with the schedules that she arranged herself even with some opposition from her own agency. Seulgi is being hard on herself, too hard on herself— almost torturing and surpassing the limits of her body.

 

Seulgi would also attend fashion shows and make friends with different types of people with different profession from her. A lot of people would love to hook up with her but she's clearly not interested with any of those. She will just refuse every time someone would try knocking on her heart's door.

 

She always pushes people away when the truth is she really need someone to stay— and it's probably because she has that one specific person in her heart who she's still hoping to stay with her.

 

Although she does those things, she never fails to communicate with her fans through social media, posting pictures of her day and such. 

 

She never forgets to remind her fans that she loves them, but she does forget to remind herself to rest and to love herself. She's always smiling as she goes but her heart is full of dead flowers that never blooms. She's miserable.

 

Seulgi chose to run away from everything with the hope of finding her happiness and a change towards her stupidity, but the only thing she acquired from this tour is being better on hiding her pain away with a smile. Fooling herself and everyone around her. Getting away didn't make a lot of change towards herself, this is just a form of escape to Seulgi. She's very afraid of getting back to Korea and going back to her foolish self.

 

 **" are you still a Korean citizen or what!? "** Sunmi shouted on the other line of the call **" are you now considering on living on Japan? China? Singapore? Or just a tent outside the airport since you're going there back and forth anyways!? "** Seulgi distanced the phone from her ear and sighed.

 

 **" unnie chill-out, I'm going back in a few weeks "** Seulgi calmly said.

 

 **" Seulgi-ya what you're doing isn't just from your pure passion, and love for your job or anything, that can be call suicide "** Sumni is really annoyed at Seulgi. Sunmi has been calling the latter for every damn day just to remind her to take a rest or even just to eat properly, but Seulgi's just a hard-headed gal.

 

**" unnie you know that I'm doing this because I have to. I'm hurting and I need a get away from everything. I know you understand me, just let me get through this times by doing this— call it wrong or what but unnie I'm feeling better being this way "**

 

Sunmi sighed for the ninth time, she knew that all she can do now is understand and constantly remind her lovely dongsaeng about things and not let her feel alone **" if you say so "** she said in defeat.

 

 **" daebak! If only I knew that little dramas can shut my loving unnie, I should have done that a long time ago! "** Seulgi laughed so hard, pissing Sunmi.

 

 **" ya! "** and the sermon continued, Sunmi's nagging is something that Seulgi hates— Seulgi pities Sunmi's future child. _I should buy the child some ear muffs as a gift,_ she thought to herself.

 

 **" unnie, I am happy, thank you for worrying about me. I promise to take good care of myself and pick up the phone whenever you call. I would never bring any headache to my manager ever again! "** Seulgi swears.

 

 **" do you prefer those kinds of things better? "** Sunmi rolled her eyes even though she knew Seulgi cannot see her. She swears that she's going to slaughter the younger girl for toying her.

 

**" are you seriously playing with me Kang Seulgi!? "**

 

 **" nope, I'm not playing with you. I'm actually I'm looking at you "** Sunmi's forehead creased **" what do you mean? "** Sunmi asked in confusion. 

 

 **" turn your head to the right! "** Seulgi asked her **" that's left side unnie! "** she giggled when Sunmi missed her direction **" pabo "** she added.

 

Seulgi brightly waved her hand when Sunmi saw her, she then entered the cafe where Sunmi is and rushed towards her unnie's table **" did you miss me!? "** she brightly asked.

 

 **" I hate you "** Sunmi pouted and even crossed her arms.

 

 **" I know you don't "** Seulgi cutely said and hugged Sunmi tightly **" I came here straight right after I arrived at the country. The first thing that came across my mind the moment I returned was to see you, aren't you touched or something? "**

 

 **" you should have just slept. Look at your eyebags! You're getting thinner and thinner! "** she pointed out.

 

 **" yes Seulgi, I appreciate you and I missed you too "** Seulgi patted her own shoulder and said the welcoming words on behalf of Sunmi.

 

Sunmi glared at the latter **" Seulgi... "** Sunmi's about to get Seulgi on some serious talk when Seulgi immediately stopped her.

 

 **" unnie I just got home, can't you save that for next week? I'm just happy to see you, can't we just catch up for now? Save those for later "** Seulgi calmly asked.

 

 **" so what's up with Korea? "** Seulgi's mood changed quickly.

 

 **" Korea or you want to ask about a certain person or people? "** Sunmi raised her eyebrow, observing Seulgi's reaction but the girl didn't get shaken up even a bit so Sunmi just shrugged and reached for her phone **" I guess I'll read you some** **news** **"** she said.

 

 **" okay! I'll order some drink while you're in it "** Seulgi brightly said and left Sunmi— Sunmi just shook her head, _she's being weirdly in a good mood._

 

As Sunmi browse the news site, her fingers froze when she came across the latest article that just came out. She opened it—

 

 **" why do you look so shocked? "** Seulgi asked with a tray of hot choco **" some dating scandals? "** she asked again and sat down.

 

Sunmi handed Seulgi her phone with the article that she just saw _'Red Velvet got involved in a car accident'_ that's the main headline.

 

Seulgi froze onto her seat when she read it. She immediately skims through the article, looking for more details if it's a big accident or just a small one, but aside from the details of when and where, a picture of a wrecked car and the hospital where the girls where taken, there's nothing more.

 

 **" unnie "** Seulgi looked over Sunmi, her overly bright eyes earlier are now full of worries and concern **" I need to... I want to go... I... unnie... "** she stutters.

 

 **" Seul, you know you can't do that "** Sunmi bit her lip **" the media is probably swarming all over the said hospital right now, it will be dangerous for you to go there "**

 

 **" unnie "** Seulgi reached for her unnie's hand and held it tightly **" I need to see them and check if they are okay! Please... I'll make sure not to get caught by the media "**

 

Sunmi sighed, how many times has she sighed this day because of her troublemaker dongsaeng? She doesn't know anymore **" araso, I'll drive you there, I'll go with** **you** **"** she said.

 

* * *

 

 **" how is Irene unnie? "** Yeri asked Joy.

 

 **" yes, that's right. Ask me "** Joy said, showing off her situation— she's lying on the bed the same as Yeri **" and hey, you're acting cold and all but you are now asking how our unnie is. Such a tsundere "** she teases.

 

 **" shut up "** Yeri rolled her eyes.

 

 **" I overhead from our manager that unnie's awake** **now** **"** Joy said.

 

Yeri sighed loudly **" I thought we'll going to die** **there** **"** Yeri said, feeling her heartbeat once again **" I've never been so happy to feel my heartbeat. Wah, this is so— I'm getting speechless "** she said.

 

 **" we should be thankful that you won't be meeting Satan anytime soon "** Joy chuckled, looking over the other bed where Yeri is lying down.

 

 **" I think I'm going to have nightmares because of this, I can still remember what happened and it's driving me crazy! "** the maknae exclaimed.

 

 **" easy driving, you might** **crash** **"** Joy jokily said, comforting Yeri with her lousy jokes even she still feels very odd within herself because of what happened. She needs to look after Yeri since she's the only unnie around.

 

They did get involved in a car accident— it was a collision, but their car luckily didn't get highly involved in the big happening, they just got slightly involved to it. The car in front of them collided into a truck and luckily their driver was quick enough to avoid gushing into it and instead they were thrown into the side of the street, crashing through some posts.

 

The media just made it look like a big accident, garnering a lot of worried and curious fans. It's business, after all, the more curious people who view their articles, the more money they will get. They don't usually care about bringing out accurate stories and news.

 

Joy, Yeri, and Irene just had some minor injuries like bruises and swelled body parts due to force— Irene just had it pretty bad because her head got hit and she had lost consciousness.

 

 **" Wendy unnie messaged us, she'll call later— she can't call right now because she's on a meeting "** Yeri announced. Wendy is in LA right now, arranging some things about her upcoming collaboration with a foreign artist.

 

 **" tell her that she doesn't need to call, just focus on her work and that we're fine and there's no need to worry about** **us** **"** Joy said.

 

The two girls share one room while Irene, on the other hand, had to get her own room because she will be examined furthermore because of her head that got banged on the car window. Although Irene is now awake and not feeling any pain, it's safer to run more exams on her.

 

When the room's door opened, the attention of the two got caught **" am I hallucinating or something? "** Yeri asked, even scratching her eyes and opening it wide.

 

The person who entered their room was their manager and their unnie who they haven't seen and talked to for a very very long time **" are you guys okay? "** Seulgi rushed towards them.

 

Seulgi had to contact her old manager to be able to get through the swarm of reporters and to easily find the room of her ex-members while Sunmi just decided to stay at the car.

 

 **" unnie... "** Yeri immediately sat down and embraced Seulgi, she had missed Seulgi very much **" unnie!!! "** she screams like a kid who's having her tantrums while crying her eyes out. With Seulgi's sight and presence, Yeri starts to let out her emotions from what just happened, she's trembling in fear.

 

 **" unnie I thought we'll going to die there! I thought I'm not going to be able to see you before I die! "** Yeri cries

 

 **" unnie "** Joy walked towards the two and joined the hug as well **" we missed you "** Joy softly sobs.

 

 **" are you guys okay? Are you hurt anywhere? Have you guys been treated? "** Seulgi asked while the youngsters are just crying inside her hold. They are such babies when it comes to Seulgi and now that Seulgi is here, they can let their guards down and act their true selves, no no need to act tough and matured.

 

After the two had calmed down, Seulgi helped them wipe their tears and even blow their nose **" why are we the only ones who are crying!? You should cry too! We've never seen each other for a very long time! "** Yeri pouted with her nose very red from all the crying.

 

 **" if we didn't get into an accident you'll never go and see us! "** Joy also pouted.

 

 **" I was... well what important now is I'm nowhere, isn't? "** Seulgi sweetly smiled at the two and ruffled their hair. Even how much the two age, Seulgi will always see them as her little sisters.

 

They only had a little time to converse with each other because Seulgi has to leave as soon as possible, a lot of reporters are arriving at the hospital as time goes by. The more reporters standing by, the large possibility that Seulgi might get caught visiting her ex-members. Not that it's a bad thing.

 

There might be nothing wrong about it and this visiting might also bring happiness to their fans but everything isn't that so simple. Simple things are meant to be complicated by the SM entertainment— they banned everyone from contacting Seulgi for nothing.

 

 **" I'll get going now "** Seulgi sadly smiled at the two, wearing her cap and mask as she gets ready to sneak out of the hospital.

 

 **" unnie "** Yeri is about to cry once again.

 

 **" ya, stop crying— it's not like you're still a teenager! "** Seulgi jokily scolded Yerim **" stop crying or you'll get bad pictures when you go out of here "**

 

 **" unnie, you'll come and see us again, right? "** Joy asked **" or we'll go to where you are! Leave your address and we'll visit you! "** she loudly exclaimed her bright idea.

 

Seulgi looked at the manager who's frowning and clearly opposing from Joy's idea so she just pressed her lips and thought about a reason for not giving her address **" I'm... I'm still searching for a good apartment so I have no permanent address. I promise to give it to you guys when I find a good place to stay "**

 

 **" promise? "** Yeri stuck out her pinky finger " **you need to promise us! "** Joy did as well. They are on their twenties yet they are acting like kids— that's how Seulgi spoiled the hell out of the two.

 

 **" I... I promise "** Seulgi almost choked on her words, she doesn't want to promise something she can't fulfill yet she has to in order for the girls to let her go.

 

They bid their goodbyes and see you soon. Somehow, meeting those two made Seulgi feel a lot better— better than what she felt the whole 3 months of escaping from everything. That little time of span did more relief to her heart.

 

 **" you have to take the stairs, if you were to take the elevator you might encounter reporters "** the manager apologetically said— they are on 8th floor and she has to take the stairs, _what a workout,_ Seulgi sighed inside her mind.

 

 **" it's fine, thank you for agreeing for me to see them oppa "** Seulgi softly smiled.

 

The manager sighed and tapped Seulgi's shoulders **" sorry for Irene's troubles as well "** pertaining to those drunken moments where Irene would go to Seulgi's apartment **" and I truly wish you success and good health. Take care of yourself "** he smiled. That manager had been managing Red Velvet for many years so Seulgi is not a stranger to him.

 

 **" thank you "** Seulgi waved her hand and opened the door to the stairway and as soon as she closed the door, she let out a heavy sigh.

 

_I just got home, went straight to where Sunmi unnie is and now taking stairs— what an unlucky day._

 

 **" Seul... "** Seulgi almost jumped when someone approached her, she looked at her right side and saw Irene in the hospital gown with a bandage on her head **" Seul... "** she's not drunk but she threw herself to give Seulgi a hug **" I miss you "** _she's sober..._

 

Seulgi knew that Irene is also in the accident, she had asked the manager beforehand and got relieved when she learned that Irene's in a good condition so she didn't force on seeing the girl because she knows herself too well. She'll crumble once she sees Irene.

 

 **" Irene unnie... "** Seulgi weakly said, she can feel her knees getting weak. Irene was indeed her kryptonite.

 

 **" don't... don't go... "** Irene hugged Seulgi tighter **" just for a moment, let me lean against you "** Irene sounds so desperate— _my heart is racing when you're hugging me,_ Seulgi wanted to say those but she prevented herself and just chose to keep her mouth shut.

 

 **" Seul... "** Irene softly uttered her name into the hollow of her neck **" I miss you... "** _she's not drunk, maybe it's because she got her head hit._

 

 **" stop now, I need to go "** Irene shook her head while still holding Seulgi tight.

 

 **"** **you** **left without any words... I was waiting for you outside your apartment but you've never come back— I miss you "** Seulgi gritted her teeth, one more word from Irene and she won't be able to control herself anymore.

 

**" I am exhausted about everything, while you're gone I am rained by all misfortunes that the world can give me but now that you're here with me, I feel like even I would be hit by a thunderstrike right now, I'll be okay... because you're here "**

 

Seulgi closed her eyes with a great force **" what do you mean? What do you mean by your words? Don't make me misunderstand things— don't mess with me... I'm too tired and already messed up, have mercy on me "**

 

**" when you say you miss me, what do you mean by that? I'm asking you now because I don't want to misinterpret your words and actions— stop playing with my heart, my heart is so bruised by everything and if you'll give me another one— I don't think I can take it anymore "**

 

Irene's hold slowly loosens, Seulgi knew what that means— she can only smile bitterly to herself. _Of course, Irene's action has no prior meaning or anything, she's just like that— she likes to mess up with me._

 

Irene completely let go of Seulgi, but instead of turning her back away on her for the ninth time, Irene looked upon Seulgi's eyes **" can't we be like before? Before that night happened? We're happy back then... we're happy when we're still friends "**

 

Seulgi shook her head **" I've never seen you as my friend after I've learned my feelings towards you, I always see you as someone who I would want to spend my future with "** she stepped back, distancing herself from Irene. 

 

For a moment, Seulgi thought that different thing would happen with Irene not turning her back on her, but it's still the same— it was just in a more kind of manner of rejecting her **" I'm not going to be your friend. It's either you'll take me as your lover or a stranger "**

 

**" Seul... "**

 

**" that's the only choice you have— I won't play with you, the choice doesn't have a playmate on it "**

 

**" I'm sorry... "**

 

Seulgi nodded her head **" it's okay "** she can taste the bitterness on her own words. _How many times do I  have to feel the rejection until I give up on asking for acceptance?_ **" it wasn't your fault, you only made a choice "** she said and turned her back on Irene, attempting to go—

 

 **" please... "** Irene hugged Seulgi from her back.

 

 **" please what!? What do you want me to do!? "** Seulgi shouted out of frustration 

 

 **" you always give me vague answers! God! If I interpret things on my own you'll tell me that I just misunderstood you! What do you really want me to do? I don't know what should I do anymore... "** Seulgi said in defeat.

 

 **" don't leave me "**  that's it, Seulgi always feel like a loser every time it happens. Seulgi will always be the loser on the game of love that Irene had set for the two of them.


	7. 07:

Seulgi had pressed the play button on Irene's game of love. She just entered the wicked game that she knew she doesn't have a chance to win. It was a foolish decision of Seulgi, but Seulgi really is foolish for Irene in the first place— nothing new, just some new guaranteed heartaches.

 

 **" I'll be going in 30 minutes "** Irene softly said as she runs her fingers on Seulgi's arms **" but I don't want to go "** she sighed.

 

Seulgi gazed down upon Irene who's comfortably laying on her chest, questioning what she just made herself get involved into. She made Irene chose between being strangers to each other or being lovers, but Seulgi ended up taking Irene even she didn't choose from either her offer.

 

 **" Christmas is coming, I'll be busy soon... but I'm sure we'll be getting few days of rest this Christmas "** Irene moved her head to look at Seulgi **" do you want to drive together in some random place? Just... get lost together "** Irene softly smiled, just the mere thought of it makes her happy.

 

The idea of it made Seulgi happy as well, but thinking outside the small world that they have created for just the both of them— _what if someone sees us? What if Irene didn't get that time of rest that they are hoping? Or what if Irene chose to just spend her time with her family? Which is reasonable. If SM ent. figures out what's going on once again?_ Seulgi doesn't want to have her hopes up.

 

 **" you know that I'll always comply with whatever you want, no need to** **ask** **"** Seulgi said. 

 

Her schedule won't be as bloody as Irene because the agency has been giving her a lot of time to rest as a prize for her hard work on her last tour and probably because Sunmi has talked to the CEO according to Seulgi's workload.

 

 **" but I want to do something that you would like to do as well... I want for us to be happy "** _is that even possible?_ Seulgi wanted to ask.

 

" **when did my opinion mattered? "** Seulgi softly asked and sat down, making Irene get off from her **" go on and fix yourself, you're about to leave "** she said and about to leave the bed when Irene hugged her from the back, the way Irene's hand gently wrapped around her— it made her heart feel tingles and aches at the same time.

 

Seulgi and Irene's set up began as soon as Irene got off from the hospital. Irene went to Seulgi and Seulgi just let Irene do what she pleases. She became like a robot who obeys everything. She's tired of even thinking what is wrong and what is right so she just decided to accept what's in front of her.

 

Seulgi's just quietly complying to everything that Irene wants to do— if Irene wants to leave now, she'll open the door for the girl and wait until Irene comes back and if Irene does, Seulgi's going to open the door for her as well and welcome her. Seulgi the epitome of foolishness— foolishness won't be there without a Kang Seulgi.

 

 **" Seul... "** Irene softly called her as she nuzzled to Seulgi **" what's the matter? Is something wrong? "** _everything's wrong,_ Seulgi answered in her mind.

 

 _How much love can a person is capable of giving?_ Seulgi would always ask herself. She thought she knew the answer when she met and Irene and loved the girl, but she was wrong. She just realized the answer to that question right now— 

 

_I just realized it now, now that I've once again accepted her. The amount of love that I can give is ridiculously too much. I know that she's just playing around with my feelings but despite that, I still genuinely accepts her with all my heart._

 

 **" nothing "** Seulgi sighed and faintly smiled at Irene **" I'm just tired "** it wasn't a lie, she's indeed tired and drained from everything.

 

Irene placed a soft kiss on Seulgi's cheeks **" you have no schedule for today, right? "** Seulgi hummed as a response **" you should get some rest, I'll be going now "**

 

**" okay "**

 

Irene left Seulgi in the room as soon as she gathered herself up, she has a prior schedule for today which pisses her off— she wants to stay longer in Seulgi's embrace yet time doesn't allow her to.

 

 **" Seul! Seul! "** Irene was startled when someone started to ring the doorbell and knock on Seulgi's front door, her heart began to race— _I can't be seen here, we're going to get into trouble. What should I do?_ **" ya! Open the door! "** another shout can be heard and Irene's forehead creased when she realized the familiar voice.

 

 **" I'll get it, you should leave now "** Seulgi said **" you'll be late "** she added and walked towards the door to open it for Irene and for the person who's outside.

 

 **" Seul, I brought you some chick... en... "** Sunmi's eyes went to Irene— the two is clearly not fond of each other.

 

Irene has never been fond of Sunmi's presence around Seulgi— she doesn't want Sunmi to even be around Seulgi, she hated the thought of it.

 

_**" am I your favorite unnie? "** Irene suddenly asked after watching the latest episode of 'Secret Unnie' that Seulgi had participated along with Sunmi._

 

_**" Why'd you ask so? "** Seulgi asked as she munches on her snack_

 

_Irene shrugged **" just "** the idea of Seulgi having another unnie made her feel... unpleasant. Seulgi had been everyone's favorite dongsaeng and now, another one._

 

**_" hmmm... I like Yoona unnie, Taeyeon unnie— "_ **

 

_**" I'm asking about me, Seulgi. Not your other unnies, no need to mention them "** Irene's annoyance slightly showed by the way she said those words and her expression._

 

_Seulgi chuckled **" even I like them, you'll forever be my favorite unnie "** Seulgi sincerely said._

 

**_" why? "_ **

 

_Seulgi frowned **" do I need any reason? Can't it be just because I love to be with you compare to other unnies I have? "** she tilted her head, subtly acting cute._

 

**_" well... "_ **

 

_**" hmm... because Irene unnie has a very gorgeous smile? "** Seulgi brushed her thumb on Irene's lips **" I love the fragrance of your hair "** ran her fingers through Irene's locks._

 

_**" you always see me as a great person even I am not that great "** Seulgi smiled._

 

_That smile is something that Irene would want to keep just for herself. It's a very beautiful smile, Irene's afraid that everyone would fall for Seulgi because of her smile. Irene hates the thought that someone would start to chase Seulgi and start to show motives and interest._

 

_**" then can you make a promise to your favorite unnie? "** Irene asked which made Seulgi's brow raised._

 

_**" that smile of yours, I want that smile to be only mine "** Irene's selfish when it comes to Seulgi, strangely, she feels very territorial about the younger girl._

 

_**" then should I glare at everyone? "** Seulgi jokily said_

 

_Irene shooked her head **" you look cute even you glares "** she pouted **" I should just jail you up in the dorm "**_

 

**_" I'll be like Rapunzel then! "_ **

 

**_" I'd be the witch and shoo away those princes "_ **

 

**_" you don't need to do that, I won't go with them anyways. I'll be happy to stay at where you want me to stay "_ **

 

 **" come inside "** Seulgi smiled fondly upon Sunmi and that smile fade a bit when she looked over Irene who's looking oddly uncomfortable **" you should go now "** she nonchalantly said.

 

 **" ok... "** Irene responded and left the two without any other words, not even a single farewell or proper greeting to the sunbae who suddenly appeared.

 

Sunmi raised her eyebrows as soon as Irene is out of the picture **" what was that Kang Seulgi? "** she immediately asked.

 

 **" just... I don't know what's going on either "** Seulgi shrugged.

 

 **" is that why you're looking somewhat happy these past few days? "** she questions the younger girl who can't look at her in the eyes.

 

 **" Seulgi, I'm not against your happiness but if that happiness of yours is also going to be the reason for your downfall... I'm going to be against it "** Sunmi sighed as she looks at her poor dongsaeng **" I know she might be bringing you back to life right now, but don't forget that she's also the reason why you got into the darkness and that she's capable of doing that again any time of the day "**

 

* * *

 

 **" just wait here inside the van, the event got** **canceled** **"** Irene's manager said, looking troubled and concerned about her **" I'll talk to the organizers, I'll be back in a second "** her manager continued and went off.

 

Irene had once again faced another huge scandal, she was accused of cheating on Taeyong because some paparazzi caught her having dinner with a 'man' but the truth is it's a group dinner with her high school friends. And she wasn't even cheating in the first place because they are not really in a relationship!

 

Her schedule today has been canceled because of the news. Taeyong's fans went to the set with angry faces, eggs to throw at her and bunch of harsh words that's beyond the line. Irene's staffs were fast enough to bring her out of the scene but even she has only witnessed the raging fans for a short moment, she was petrified.

 

Irene's hands were trembling and her heart is racing, she wants to cry as the picture of those raging fans flashes in her mind, the hateful words are still ringing inside her head.

 

_'slut! Don't hurt our Taeyong!'_

 

_'just get lost! You think you're beautiful!? You're so dirty!'_

 

_'if I get my hands on you I'll surely wreck your face and kill you!'_

 

_'you don't deserve Taeyong! Just get lost and die!'_

 

 **" are you okay Irene-ssi? "** she was brought back to reality when she heard her driver's voice, she then realized that she's tightly covering her ears.

 

 **" ye... yes "** her voice is trembling.

 

Irene wants to get out of the place, far away from here. If only the agency didn't put her in this position then she wouldn't have to face this kind of terrifying treatment from the people. She hates the agency and every decision that it has made for her, making her think that it was for the good but in reality, it's just going to make her face hardships and burden.

 

Irene grabbed her cap and mask **" where are you going!? "** her driver immediately asked her **" it's still dangerous outside! "**

 

 **" I'm... I have somewhere to go "** she said before hopping out of the van.

 

She sneaked out, she can still see the raging fans from afar but she just set her eyes straight and waited for a taxi to come.

 

 **" where are we going ma'am? "** the taxi driver asked.

 

Irene arrived at Seulgi's apartment, she ringed the bell continuously until Seulgi opens it up for her. The moment she saw Seulgi, she felt the secure feeling that nobody can give her, she felt safe at last.

 

 **" why are you here, you have wor— "** Irene didn't let Seulgi finish what she's about to say and just hugged the girl tightly.

 

If someone might know the whole story, they may look at Irene as that selfish bitch who just loves to play around Seulgi's heart but for Irene, she's not just playing around— she didn't mean to play with Seulgi's feelings, she's just too cowardly to say what she feels about the girl and give her answers, she's afraid that she might not be able to fulfill her words once she gives it to Seulgi.

 

She'd rather give Seulgi uncertain answers so if the time comes where the both of them has to let go of each other, Seulgi won't have any words from her that she can hold onto. Seulgi can forget her a lot easier. Irene has already accepted the fact that Seulgi and her won't be able to happen or at least not now. 

 

Irene doesn't want to lose Seulgi who she sees as her fairytale but she doesn't want to let go of her career right now. She considers Seulgi as her home who she can run into whenever she feels like it and leave when she's ready to face the cruelness of the world without worrying that Seulgi won't be there where she left the girl. Seulgi is her time out from everything.

 

 **" what happened? "** Seulgi asked with worries on her voice **" you're trembling so much "** she held onto Irene's hands.

 

The tears that Irene's been preventing are starting to escape one by one **" don't... don't cry... "** Seulgi's eyes widened when she saw her unnie's tears, aside from Irene's touch and smiles, Irene's tears are something that can make her knees go weak.

 

 **" can you... can you do it like before? "** Irene asked and lifted Seulgi's hands upon her ears **" their voices are too loud, they keep on ringing inside my** **head** **"** Irene said as she keeps on making Seulgi cover her ears.

 

Seulgi used to cover her ears whenever bad things happened, whenever Irene hears something that she doesn't want to hear. Seulgi has always been there covering Irene's ears and eyes from everything that terrifies and hurts her.

 

Seulgi doesn't know what exactly has happened but she knew that it's something that triggered her unnie's anxiety **" don't listen to them "** Seulgi pulled Irene closer to her, she's talking calmly and close to Irene's ears **" just listen to my voice, their words don't matter "**

 

Irene gripped on Seulgi's back, the people's voices are starting to fade and Seulgi's voice is starting to fill her mind— she's starting to feel at ease **" I don't know what they have told you, what horrible things they have told you but unnie, those are not true. Listen to me, I know you the most, more than they do "**

 

 **" you're the most beautiful girl that I've ever met "** Seulgi kissed away Irene's tears

 

 **" I love everything about you "** down to her jaw

 

**" you're the best cook that I can think of "**

 

 **" you're generous and thoughtful of the people around you "** her lips

 

The harsh words from earlier are now out of her mind, Seulgi's compliments and lovely voice are purifying her mind. Seulgi holds that kind of power on her.

 

 **" don't think of it now— just think of me "** Seulgi caressed Irene's back **" I love you unnie "** Seulgi's I love yous are the most sincere thing that Irene has ever heard but even that's the case, she can't say it back— she knew too well that she's a bitch for being that way.


	8. 08:

Seulgi huffs a thick smoke from the cigarette between her fingers, looking blankly at the view as she leans at the rails of the roof deck of their agency. She's been there since the sun already set down and still at the same spot now that the sky is already darkening. She has consumed a number of cigarette sticks as she spaces out.

 

The sky is very peaceful today, it makes Seulgi wants to stare at it for a very long time— she wanted to be along those fluffy clouds earlier and now along those bright stars. The sky is very tranquil compared to Seulgi's world and mind.

 

Seulgi started smoking since her tour, she just wanted to try it out since people are saying that it can be a stress relief— and she can see why people are saying it when she started it out. She has no intention of consuming it every day but it seems like every day her body craves for that strong taste of the cigarette.

 

 **" Seul "** Seulgi's eyes widened and immediately threw the half-consumed cigarette on the ground, stepping on it so it won't be seen **" unnie! "** she smiled as she turns around to face Sunmi.

 

Sunmi looked down and the traces of consumed cigarettes are all over the place **" you smell awful "** she calmly said and leaned at the rails like Seulgi **" when did you even started smoking? "** she asked.

 

 **" tour "** Seulgi honestly responded, there's no reason for her to lie, not when she's already caught red-handed.

 

**" why? "**

 

 **" just... "** Seulgi shrugged.

 

Sunmi sighed, she doesn't know when will Seulgi get back to her senses but she's just hoping that the girl will as soon as possible.

 

 **" should I scold you about that? Will you listen to me? "** Sunmi turned her head to look at Seulgi.

 

Seulgi shook her head **" it will just enter my right ear then it will exit on my left— you'll just going waste your voice unnie, people are paying bucks to hear that voice so don't waste it on me, but thank you "** Seulgi softly smiled.

 

 **" you're starting to scare me Seul, I don't know what you'll do next "** Sunmi honestly said **" I'm afraid to even take my eyes off you, you're making me nervous when you're being like that "**

 

Seulgi giggled **" don't worry unnie, I won't kill myself. I promise "** she swears.

 

 **" death is not the greatest loss in life, Seul. Although I don't like to see in a coffin so soon, cold and not breathing "** Sunmi paused **" the greatest loss in life is what dies inside us while we live— I'm afraid you're already dead inside, dying in darkness all by yourself is terrifying "**

 

Seulgi softly smiled   **" it's indeed terrifying "** she responded.

 

Sunmi walked closer to Seulgi and embraced the younger girl. Seeing the bright Seulgi she used to know being like that right now, it breaks her heart. Sunmi wishes that Seulgi will soon find her happiness, not with another person's company but happiness within herself.

 

 **" it's not right to love someone more than you love yourself, you can't properly love someone if you don't love yourself properly "** Sunmi caressed Seulgi's hair, she wants her words to at least get absorb by Seulgi **" love yourself Seulgi, leave some love for yourself, I promise** **you— you** **won't regret it "**

 

* * *

 

 _'Seul, do you want to grab dinner with me tonight at xxx?'_ Irene happily sent the message, it seems like their schedule is going to be finished earlier than expected.

 

 _'you don't have work? I thought you'll be working till the morning?'_ Seulgi immediately replied back.

 

 _'I don't, it will be done sooner than we expected. So? Are you busy? Let's meet there at xx pm'_ it took 10 minutes before Seulgi replied _'ok'_ to Irene's invite.

 

Irene's mood had lifted up. They are going to eat at a high-end restaurant hotel, it's a place where celebrities usually go, especially celebrity couples without being nervous about a scandal the next day. The hotel keeps the security very tight and the employees are briefed about the customer's privacy and everything, the only con of it is the price. A full meal costs almost one to two gig of an artist depending on the artist's fee.

 

 **" ooh, who's that? "** Wendy suddenly sat beside Irene **" you look happy sending messages! Who's that? Who's that? "** Wendy being nosy.

 

 **" my mom "** Irene lied and immediately hid her phone to her bag **" she said that she'll visit our dorm "**

 

 **" oh really!? "** Wendy exclaimed as her eyes shone **" ask her to bring some kimchi! I really love your mother's kimchi and side dishes! "**

 

 **" araso "** Irene nodded her head and smiled at the fooled Seungwan.

 

The shoot continues but the expected early finish seems to get jinxed because they are getting stuck due to some technical problems. Irene can't help but to feel anxious as she continuously looks at her watch, one hour away from their date— Irene's getting impatient and grumpy.

 

 **" guys I think we'll go back to the first expected time finish, there's a sudden technical issue "** their manager apologized **" but I'll make sure to clear some schedule for tomorrow so you can have a longer time to rest "**

 

 **" araso "** the girls except Irene answered in chorus.

 

Seulgi, on the other hand, arrived at the place 30 minutes early from the planned time, she's near the area. She won't lie and will bluntly say that she misses the older girl since they haven't seen each other for around two weeks already because Irene's being busy.

 

Seulgi checked her makeup on her phone and smiled at herself— she internally praised her beauty. She feels embarrassed whenever someone praises her beauty but she never fails to praise herself, she's much comfortable to hear praises from herself than from others.

 

Time is passing by, the ice in the glass of water that the waiter served for Seulgi is nearly melting. _Ten minutes late... twenty minutes... thirty... one hour..._

 

 **" ma'am are you going to order now? "** the waiter approached Seulgi.

 

Seulgi shyly smiled **" I'm still... I'm waiting for somebody, just serve me some wine "** she said and the waiter nodded its head and left to get her glass of wine.

 

Seulgi can't help but to crack her knuckles and tap her feet— she glanced at her phone, hoping that Irene would at least message her but no message from the girl arrived, just a bunch of messages from Jeongyeon and Momo of Twice. Well, after all, she had agreed on going to Jeongyeon and Momo's birthday party but suddenly canceled out because of Irene's invitation.

 

 **" thank** **you** **"** Seulgi said when her wine was served.

 

Seulgi is not a very patient lad if its other people she must have left by now. She hates people who are late and especially those who stands her up.  Even how much she wants to go now, she can't help but have thoughts like; _what if she's already on her way? What if her phone is dead so she can't message me? Maybe she's already near, I should wait._

 

Seulgi is being called a bear when in fact she's like a dog, a Shiba Inu. It's not a surprise if a commemorative statue of her will be made right across Hachiko.

 

 **" hey "** Seulgi's eyes shone and faded in an instant when she laid her eyes on the person who approached her— she thought it was Irene **" why are you alone? "** Jimin sat at the empty seat in front of her.

 

 **" just... I want some wine "** Seulgi slightly lifted up the glass of wine on her hand **" you? Why are you here? Shouldn't you be in America or somewhere out of the country? "**

 

 **" I'm a Korean citizen "** Jimin chuckled.

 

 **" oh sorry, I thought you're not since you guys are rarely seen in the country "** Seulgi smiled.

 

 **" well noona, since I'm here, do you mind having dinner with me? It's lonely to be alone you know "** Jimin shrugged and smiled charmingly. It's not a secret that Jimin adores Seulgi since the day they have collaborated in stage last 2016.

 

Seulgi chuckled when Jimin called her noona, for some odd reason Seulgi finds it weird to hear Jimin call her that way **" no thanks, I just got off from a big scandal and I'm not interested to create some trouble with you— I'll pass on that "**

 

 **" I'm not asking for you to create some trouble with me noona, I'm just asking for you to eat dinner with** **me** **"** Jimin said and Seulgi swears she wanna rip off that charming smile of the boy.

 

**" Oh please, just mere standing right beside you without any interaction and such is already trouble— you must know that out of all people that your fans can be wild "**

 

 **" well "** Jimin shrugged **" they just love me that much "**

 

 **" I'm very scared of that love "** Seulgi giggled.

 

Their friendly conversation continued until Seulgi's phone lit up, Irene messaged her _'I'm sorry but I don't think I can make it. Are you already there? I'm sorry I should have messaged you right away'_ it made Seulgi's heart feel a sharp pang.

 

 **" looks like your date has stood you up? "** Jimin knocked on the table when Seulgi was staring blankly at her phone for too long **" so are you going to accept my dinner invitation now noona? "**

 

 **" I have no appetite, sorry, but I accept car rides "** Seulgi softly smiled as she looks over Jimin **" would you mind driving me somewhere? "**

 

**" that's more trouble noona, are we digging some graves right now? "**

 

 **"** **scared** **? "** Seulgi raised her brows and Jimin cheekily smiled **" not really, c'mon "** Jimin stood up from his seat and Seulgi did as well to leave the place.

 

* * *

 

 **" daebak! I'm so envious right now! "** Yeri suddenly shouted. They are on their way home as the shoot just ended.

 

 **" wae? "** Joy exhaustedly asked.

 

 **" they are having fun— today's Momo and Jeongyeon's birthday party, the one that I keep on telling you about the other day "** Yeri pouted as she scrolls into her news feed, they own private accounts where they upload their pictures freely. Yeri holds a very precious friendship among Twice members especially with Nayeon and she's really close with every Twice members.

 

 **" ahh, right "** Joy nodded her head, uninterested about it.

 

As Yeri scrolls through the news feed, a picture caught her attention **" Seulgi unnie is there too "** she softly said but that is enough to catch Irene's attention.

 

 **" well they are friends, it's normal "** Wendy shrugged.

 

 **" uhh... with Jimin oppa? "** Yeri frowned.

 

 **"** **ya** **"** Wendy sat properly and snatched Yeri's phone **" what is she thinking? She knew how Jimin's fans are very anxious about her and if they knew about this— oh my God, this is not going to be good "** she shakes her head.

 

 **" Jimin oppa is not even that close to** **Twice** **"** Yeri said **" but I guess he has some friends around that asked him to come along "** she shrugged with a million possibility on why Jimin is there.

 

The three girls are busy chatting to each other as they decided to ditch van sleep but on the other hand, Irene can't feel comfortable with what she just heard. She keeps on sending messages and calling Seulgi but the girl isn't picking it up.

 

 **" why aren't you picking it up... "** Irene softly groaned in annoyance, biting on her nail as she continuously calls Seulgi.

 

* * *

 

 **" tell Jimin thank you "** Seulgi smiled at Jimin's manager before getting off the car. 

 

It's already two in the morning when Seulgi decided to go home from the party, Jimin offered her a ride to her apartment but refused— the idea of Jimin driving her home would be too much so Jimin just offered for her manager to drive her home.

 

Seulgi almost tripped on her way to her apartment, she doesn't know if she's drunk enough to imagine things but she can see Irene right now— she frowns and even forcedly shut her eyes but still, she can see Irene standing right in front of her apartment.

 

 **" am I dreaming? "** Seulgi chuckled **" are you even real? "** she gently reached for Irene's face **" why do you feel so real? If this keeps on happening then I guess I have to get drunk every damn day "** she sweetly smiled, removing some strand of hair that's blocking the girl's face.

 

 **" how did you got home in that state? "** Irene seriously asked **" and why did you drunk this much? "** she knew Seulgi can take her alcohol just fine and having a drunk Seulgi right now, it just means that Seulgi drank too much of it.

 

 **" hmmm... I don't know, I just feel like drinking— Jimin's manager drove me home "** Seulgi hiks **" are you angry? "** Seulgi cupped both Irene's face **" why? "** she tilted her head as she stares at Irene's annoyed eyes.

 

 **" Seulgi doesn't want it when Irene gets angry "** Seulgi pouted— it's Seulgi's habit when she's drunk, she acts cute **" are you going to keep on being angry at me? I'll kiss you if you do "**

 

 **" why are you even with Jimin? "** Irene still seriously asked.

 

 **" ehey "** Seulgi let go of Irene's face and opened her apartment's door to come inside— Irene followed **" because you ditched me? I wore pretty clothes, did my make-up and even sprayed my favorite cologne— it will be a waste if I will just go home, don't you think? "**

 

**" so you'll just be going with whoever you want just because I couldn't come!? "**

 

**" eh? Why are you getting angry? "**

 

**" you know it can cause you an issue! God, Seulgi! "**

 

Seulgi plopped herself on the sofa **" I am willing to get in trouble with you. Getting an issue with Jimin is nothing compared to what I am willing to risk for you— and why are you even getting pissed off? You are dating Taeyong as well in people's eyes so why couldn't I? "**

 

**" are you getting revenge on me? Do you think I liked that fucking issue with Taeyong!? Do you think I'm enjoying it!? "**

 

Irene's getting on Seulgi's nerves, she got off from the sofa and pushed Irene on the wall **" why are you acting like this? What are we? Why are you acting like as if you own me? You couldn't even say you like me Irene-ssi "** Seulgi smirked **" and if I am to do some revenge to you, you wouldn't be seeing me right now. You'll probably see me at someone else's bed "**

 

Seulgi wasn't expecting it but a strong slap sting on her right face. Seulgi's mind went blank and suddenly, she pulled Irene close to her, crashing their lips together— **" Seul! "** Irene protested but Seulgi too strong for her.

 

They have never had this kind of kiss, a rough and forceful one. Irene feels like she's getting drunk on Seulgi's kisses, she can taste the alcohol on the girl's mouth. Seulgi's lips are now tracing Irene's jaw, with her hands starting to roam underneath Irene's clothes.

 

Seulgi's fingertips are leaving warmth on Irene skin **" Seul... "** Irene moans as she feels Seulgi biting softly on her skin.

 

 **" Seul stop... "** Irene's knees are going jelly, she can't push Seulgi away, her strength is getting drained by every kiss that Seulgi's giving her. 

 

Irene has never seen Seulgi that aggressive and the girl is indeed getting terrified by Seulgi's sudden change of attitude— the soft and gentle Seulgi is nowhere to be found right now, only the hungry and aggressive Seulgi is right in front of Irene.

 

 **" Seul! "** Irene shouted when she felt Seulgi grips on her right bust **" please... stop... you're hurting me "** with those words Seulgi seem to be awakened from her state, she immediately took her hands away from Irene—

 

 **" sor... sorry "** her eyes widened when she saw Irene's tears, smudged lipstick, messy hair, red marks on Irene's skin that she bit on **" I'm sor... "** she's about to reach for Irene to comfort the girl but then she cannot make herself touch Irene again—

 

Seulgi turned her back on Irene as she massages her temples— _what have I done!?_ She curses herself **" go home now "** Seulgi sternly said.

 

**" Seul... "**

 

 **" just fucking go home! "** Seulgi shouted **" just... call your manager and get out of** **here** **"** she said before rushing inside the room, away from Irene's sight.

 

Seulgi is trembling as she searches for cigarettes on her drawer, she needs it to calm down. She flickers the lighter but her hands were trembling that she even burnt her finger but the pain seems to not getting through Seulgi and just continued until the stick of cigarette is lit up.

 

When she finished the whole stick in less than three minutes, she seems to get sobered up and realized what just happened earlier. 

 

 **" fucking idiot "** Seulgi cussed and hit her head before walking out of the room to get some glass of water.

 

Seulgi is shocked to see Irene still outside **" why are you still here? I told you to leave "** Seulgi bit her lip, she can't even look at the girl, she's very guilty and sorry for what she just did.

 

Irene stood up from the sofa and slowly approached towards Seulgi, her eyes are softly looking at Seulgi's very guilty eyes **" are you okay now? "** Irene softly asked, gently caressing Seulgi's face **" sorry for getting mad and getting into your nerves... "** she apologizes.

 

 **" why... "** Seulgi frowned, she wants to cry **" why are you even saying sorry? It's me who hurt you "** she gritted her teeth when she saw Irene's wounded lips from her rough kisses earlier and Irene's neck that's full of bite marks.

 

Seulgi gently runs her thumb on Irene's lips, those soft lips that she wants to take care of— she just gave it some wounds.

 

Irene shook her head and hushed Seulgi who's already shedding tears **" I'm okay... "** Irene assures Seulgi **" you didn't scare me Seulgi, stop crying now "** Irene wipes away Seulgi's tears.

 

Seulgi shook her head as she distances herself from Irene, keeping her hands on her side as she prevents herself from touching Irene any further  **" just go home, for now, I'm afraid from what else I can to do you— I'm afraid I'll hurt you again "**

 

Irene reached for Seulgi's hand **" I know you won't, you don't have to worry about that "**

 

Irene placed Seulgi's hands on her waist and initiated a passionate kiss— Irene can taste a weird taste from Seulgi's mouth that she can't figure out but she just continued kissing the girl **" I'm sorry "** Seulgi repeated when the kiss broke off **" I'm sorry "** Seulgi buried her face on the crook of Irene's neck.

 

 **" stop crying, I'm alright "** Irene caressed Seulgi back **" I know you didn't mean it, I understand "**


	9. 09:

**" unnie you left your** **wallet** **"** Wendy said as soon as she stepped inside the van and handed Irene's wallet. 

 

Year-end awardings are nearing and their schedule has become more hectic; they have to practice, do rehearsals, costume fitting, recordings and a lot more to consider. They are getting beat up by their schedules and just wishing that this time of the year would end fast.

 

 **" thank you "** Irene smiled at Wendy and reached for the said wallet. Irene changed her wallet a while ago so she deliberately left the wallet that Wendy saw but either way, she thanked Wendy.

 

While waiting for them to arrive at the set, Irene rummaged inside her old wallet and saw some money sitting in there— _great_ , some trash, receipt from different countries and some old polaroids. Irene smiled at herself when she saw the first Polaroid picture of Red Velvet after their first stage; _we look so young._

 

Joy with her green hair tip, Wendy with blue one, Seulgi with orange and herself with pink. It's just unfortunate that Yeri isn't with them that time, it makes Irene wonder— _if Yeri debuted with us that time, what color Yeri would have? Violet? Pink?_

 

Another polaroid that brought back a lot of memories in Irene; the first time they won. Joy cannot stop from crying, Yeri with her ridiculously high pig tails showcasing her forehead that she got teased by her unnies, Wendy spacing out like she cannot believe it, Seulgi with her braided hair and looking cute and all. 

 

**_"_ ** **_ahhh_ ** _**unnie! "** Joy cried a lot more when they reached the backstage **" unnies! "** she cries as she hugs her unnies, trying hard to fit everyone inside her embrace._

 

_**" stop crying "** Irene smiled at the young girl as she wipes her tears away._

 

_**" Sooyoung-ah! Stop crying, you make me want to cry as well! "** Yeri and Seulgi whines._

 

_**" then cry! We should cry! "** Joy hugged the two and the trio cried like stupid girls out of happiness inside their hearts._

 

_**" dumb, dumber, dumbest "** Wendy can only shake her head, judging the three with a warm smile on her lips._

 

_**" you can cry as well Seungwan, I'm not going to mock you and judge you the way you are judging them right now "** Irene teased Wendy and comfortably placed her hand on Wendy's waist._

 

_**" I'll cry on our hundredth win "** Wendy giggled **" how about you unnie? Aren't you going to cry? "** Wendy asked._

 

_**" I'll cry on our 200th win "** Irene jokily said and they both laugh while the trio is still bawling their eyes out._

 

Irene wanted to cry hard that day as well like Joy as soon as they are announced as the winner, but she prevented herself and instead, looked after the younger members. She is the leader and not a maknae after all.

 

And the most precious of all the polaroids that Irene has seen is the first picture of her and Seulgi without anyone else, just the two of them. It's when they are practicing for their performance 'Be natural'.

 

Irene can remember how anxious she was about it, she's so insecure about her dancing skill because compare to Seulgi, she knew she's nothing. Everyone knows how Seulgi can dance gracefully and powerful if needed while her, what does everyone talks about her? Just her beauty.

 

Irene was worried if she can do the performance with Seulgi or she's just going to ruin it and be a burden but Seulgi made sure to make her unnie feel at ease and boosted Irene's self-confidence.

 

_**" Joohyun! "** Seulgi brightly called Irene's birth name, they are sitting on the floor as they take a short break from their practice **" Joohyun unnie! "** Seulgi rested her head on her knees and tilted her head upon Irene's direction to see the girl's face._

 

_**" Joohyun unnie "** on her third calling, Irene looked at her with a frown— Seulgi smiled happily, eyes disappearing as her lips forms a big smile **" Joohyun unnie "** Irene swears that out of everyone who calls her that way, her favorite is Seulgi's._

 

_**" why? "** Irene frowned with a smile._

 

_Seulgi shrugged **" just... your name sounds so beautiful so I called it randomly "** Seulgi giggled like a kid trying to impress her crush._

 

_Irene looked away from Seulgi, hiding her blushing face **" stop it "** she said but she knew in herself that she wants to keep hearing Seulgi say her name lovingly._

 

_**" Joohyun unnie, you danced well today "** Irene blushed even more with Seulgi's genuine compliment, how can somebody sound so sincere? Is that even legal?_

 

_**" stop lying, I'm getting embarrassed "** Irene shyly said. _

 

_**" I'm not though "** Seulgi pouted, Irene can see Seulgi's expression from the corner of her eyes **" you danced well today and you look beautiful with your hair neatly tied up, it's just unfortunate that you'll have your hair down and I'll have mine tied up on the real performance "** Seulgi sighed._

 

_**" you... you look good when your hair is tied up "** Irene shyly compliments Seulgi._

 

**_" thank_ ** **_you_ ** _**"** Seulgi said._

 

 **" can we stop by the nearby cafe before going to our schedule? "** Irene got back to the reality and realized that their van has started moving when Yeri asked something from their manager.

 

 **" I don't think we can, we're pretty much running late "** their manager responded. Yeri looked over Irene, eyes asking for little help to convince their manager but Irene just shrugged.

 

 **" Ugh, I hate this stupid family "** Yeri sulkily said as she pouts. The child is having her tantrum meaning that this morning isn't going to be easy for everyone.

 

* * *

 

The holiday break that everyone's been anticipating has come and finally, the vacation that Irene and Seulgi have been planning for long has finally right in front of them. 

 

Irene has a 5-day vacation and she spent that 3 days with her family and the remaining days with Seulgi. They decided not to go out of the country and just stay at a secluded place which, fortunately, Seulgi's family owns a beautiful rest house away from the city.

 

Seulgi's grandparents own a rest house in the middle of a forest, the place is remarkably beautiful and peaceful. The view of the mountains and lake, the spacious place that they can stay in and have each other without getting worried about anything for a moment, they can't be more than thankful for this short escapade.

 

They arrived at the place in different time and car, Seulgi arrived first **" did I made you wait? "** Irene smiled at the girl as soon as she settled her things on the bedroom that they will share later this night.

 

Seulgi shook her head and patted the empty space on her side to make Irene sit beside her **" did you like the place? "** Irene sat down and happily nodded her head, the place is up to her style. It's peaceful and the view of the sky is breathtaking, Irene loves the sky more than anything in this world— well, she loves the sky as much as she wants to be with Seulgi.

 

 **" thinking of it, I think we should have invited those three with us. If they figured out that we went here by ourselves— "** Seulgi shook her head, imagining how sulky the other girls will be is already making her head hurt **" I bet it's going to be chaotic "**

 

 **" we barely even managed to get here without getting caught Ms. Kang Seulgi "** Irene lifted her feet and casually rested it on Seulgi's legs **" and besides, I want to be with you alone. Am I selfish for saying that? "** she softly smiled.

 

 **" you're the most selfish woman that I've ever met, I'm not** **surprised** **"** Seulgi said.

 

**" do you hate me for being that way? "**

 

 **" yes, very much "** Seulgi straightforwardly said **" but what can I do? You are impossible to resist. I am like a bee seduced by a flower like you "**

 

After resting for a bit they have now gone to the kitchen to prepare themselves some delicious meal. Seulgi has made sure that the fridge will have everything that they will need for this stay.

 

Irene momentarily froze when she felt Seulgi's arms around her **" Seul, I'm cooking "** she said. She can just tell Seulgi to go away but she also wants to be inside Seulgi's embrace.

 

 **" hmm "** Seulgi hummed as she rested her chin on Irene's shoulders **" I can see it "**

 

This kind of moment is very familiar with movie scenes, they had never thought that they can reenact this kind of scene with each other. They usually cook together back then, they love to eat ramyun together but to this extent of skinship, they have never been this close and intimate while preparing a meal.

 

**" Seul... "**

 

**"** **hmm** **? "**

 

 **" imagine knowing what will happen before our paths were set to cross? "** being this way with Seulgi, Irene can't help but to think about various of things **" if you had a choice, would you go through it again with me? Despite knowing how it will go? Would you still want to love me? "** Irene tilted her head to look at Seulgi on the corner of her eyes.

 

Seulgi nuzzled into her neck **" thinking about the pain that the whole thing has caused me, it's terrifying to think that I would experience it again but if the prize of every pain is being with you then I will. I am willing to go through the same path every damn time even every end of it will be the same "**

 

 **" thank you "** Irene bit her lip, Seulgi's sincerity never fails to pierce inside her heart— guilt is eating her but she can't let go of the happiness that Seulgi's making her feel. That feeling is too precious for her that she never want to let go even if that means being unfair.

 

 **" I wish you can say you love me instead of thanking me "** Seulgi weakly said **" but it's okay "** Seulgi let go of Irene and softly smiled at the girl **" I'm just going to the room and arrange our things, call me if we're ready to eat "** Irene nodded her head.

 

Irene shut her eyes closed and took a deep sigh— Seulgi's eyes and smiles are saying the polar opposite of things. Seulgi's eyes are pained and hurt while her lips are always having a curve to form a beautiful smile.

 

Irene can't help but remember the conversation that she had with Sunmi last time when they met at one of the year-end award events. It was such a hectic day but Sunmi managed to meet her and talk—

 

_Irene was looking at Sunmi coldly, she doesn't know what the girl needs with her but she can feel that this conversation won't be a friendly one. Sunmi is a year younger than her but at this moment and place, Sunmi is her sunbae and so she needs to show her respect._

 

_**" let her go "** Sunmi straightforwardly said, no greetings of anything. The time for them to talk in this kind of situation is very limited so Sunmi just went through and said it._

 

_Irene was indeed taken aback by that but she managed to pull herself together **" I can't "** she sternly responded._

 

_**" then love her right "** it wasn't a request but an order. It made Irene's throat dry._

 

_**" I also can't "** Irene weakly answered, avoiding Sunmi's gaze upon her._

 

_**" I can't understand you "** Irene can tell that Sunmi's getting frustrated at her, she is as well with herself. _

 

**_" I don't understand myself as well "_ **

 

_Sunmi run her fingers through her hair and look at Irene with anger in her eyes **" why can't you love her properly? You don't want to let her go but you can't do that much? You're sick "** Sunmi looked at her from head to toe like she's trying to search for what the hell did Seulgi saw on her to deserve that kind of love._

 

_**" I'm not doing this just because I want to! "** Irene gritted her teeth **" I can't love her properly and show the way I feel because I'm afraid she'll have something to hold on for us. It will be hard for her if we need to break apart permanently "** she explains herself._

 

_Sunmi let out a taunting laugh, she can't believe what she just heard. That kind of reason makes Sunmi want to pull some of Irene's hair **" do you think she's not hurting that much right now? And you're so ready and open for that possibility... just wow, good for you "** Sunmi sarcastically said, giving Irene some slow claps._

 

**_" If you have accepted that kind of separation then why don't you just let go of her right now? Why prolong her pain? "_ **

 

**_" I want... I want to be with her as long as I can "_ **

 

_Sunmi shakes her head, already gave up on having a senseful conversation with Irene **" Seulgi's a fool with a brave love for you while you're a wise coward. I wish Seulgi will just be a fool and coward, in that case, she'll not have any guts to love you because you don't deserve her bravery "**_

 

Irene is done with cooking, she has already set up the table. She took off her apron and decided to call Seulgi. She went upstairs to their room—

 

 **" Seul... "** Irene brows furrowed with the sight of the younger girl having a cigarette between her lips.

 

 **" are... are you done? "** Seulgi's seems so shocked as well and immediately disposed of the cigarette **" you should have just called me "** she anxiously smiled as she walks towards Irene who's looking blankly at her.

 

 **" since when? "** Seulgi stopped her trails when she heard that scary voice of Irene. Irene uses it whenever Seulgi does her habits like cracking her knuckles **" 4 months ago... I don't know exactly when "** Seulgi slightly bowed her head like a child who's getting scolded by her mother.

 

**" why? "**

 

 **" just... just to relieve stress and it's just something that my body keeps on asking "** Seulgi honestly responded.

 

Seulgi thought Irene would hit her or just walk off out of anger but Seulgi was stunned when Irene cupped her face and pulled her for a kiss. Seulgi's eyes are wide open while Irene's are closed.

 

The soft kisses started to get passionate, their tongue is dancing inside each other's mouth, pulling each other closer. Seulgi can taste how sweet and warm Irene's mouth, _since when did she taste this sweet?_

 

 **" uhh... "** a moan escaped from Seulgi's mouth when Irene started nibbling on her lower lip, Irene's teeth crashing gently on Seulgi's lower lip **" Irene... "**

 

They can't get enough of each other but they had to break off the kiss to catch some air because humans need to breathe for them to be able to live— Seulgi never hated being a human until this day.

 

They are both catching their breaths, forehead touching each other and eyes locking into one another's gaze **" what are you thinking? "** Irene asks.

 

 **" I was just wondering, is your mouth has been that sweet all along? "** Seulgi giddily smiled.

 

 **" it is "** Irene responded **" so if you want to keep on tasting this, stop smoking. I won't kiss you again if you ever put a cigarette between your lips— you said I am selfish, yes I am. I am selfish enough to tell you that I don't like sharing your lips with anyone, not even with those sticks of cigarettes "**

 

 **" will I be able to kiss you whenever I like it? "** Irene nodded her head, she would prefer to be kissed than Seulgi continuously consuming those cigarettes and it's not like she doesn't want Seulgi's lips on hers. It's beneficial for both of them **" don't make me get used to this Irene "**

 

 **" why? "** Irene frowned.

 

 **" I'm just afraid that you will make me get used to this and one day everything will just suddenly disappear in the thin air "** Seulgi weakly smiled **" you were always ready to leave me but it wasn't like that for me "**

 

Irene caressed Seulgi's face **" these lips are only for you Seul, I promise you that "** Irene may not be able to swear that she can be with Seulgi, but she can swear that Seulgi is the only person who can have her whole, from her body and soul to her heart and mind. 


	10. 10:

**" cut! "** the director shouted and so Joy immediately got off from her co-actor's arms **" okay, great! Let's shoot the next scene after a break "** the director announced and everyone clapped their hands in happiness, they've been shooting for at least 4 hours now without stop.

 

 **"** **wanna** **grab some coffee? My treat "** Joy shook her head and smiled, politely rejecting Kim Minseok's offer **" thank you sunbae-nim but I have to rest for a while first "** Joy said.

 

 **" I told you, just address me more comfortably "** Minseok brushed off the disappointment on his eyes immediately with a bright smile **" call me oppa or something "** he chuckled.

 

 **" well then... oppa... "** she sounds so hesitant **" I'll get going now "** Joy slightly bowed her head and immediately left Minseok to go to her manager.

 

Joy frowned as she walks towards her manager, her manager is looking like a happy puppy with a wide smile on his face **" Joy-ah, someone sent a food truck for you "** her manager happily said.

 

 **" eh? "** Joy isn't expecting any food truck today— _who might be it?_ **" from who? "** Joy curiously asked as her manager guide her where the food truck is.

 

 **" thank you Joy! "** the staffs thanked her while holding a cup of coffee and churros on their hands **" we'll enjoy this! "** they brightly said while Joy just gave them a confused smile.

 

 **" oppa, who sent this? "** Joy whispered to his manager but her manager just shrugged with a meaningful smile.

 

Joy looked upon the banner that's stuck on the food truck, it says _'fighting to the most beautiful girl in the world!'_ there's no name of who sent it, just that phrase and a very much 'ugly' photo of Joy which everyone else sees except for Joy as a cute one.

 

 **" c'mon, pose— I'll take a picture of** **you** **"** her manager asked Joy and took out his phone **" smile~ "** he said and Joy just awkwardly stood there with a smile on her face— still thinking on who just sent her that food truck.

 

_Wendy unnie? Nah, Wendy unnie would probably just cook food herself than send this kind of thing. Irene unnie? Err... I don't think so, she's very busy nowadays. Yerim? Nah, that kid won't even bother doing this. Then who else could it be?_

 

Joy's eyes widened and her eyes were like sparkling when another name came across her mind. She immediately blushed and her smile seem to be not coming off anytime soon— _this is bad, the next scene would be a heartbreaking one! How can I do that now!?_

 

 **" Joy-ah someone's waiting for you at the van "** her manager smiled at her and even winked **" be careful not to be seen, araso? "** he reminded. Joy lifted up an 'okay' sign as a response to her manager.

 

Joy happily skips to her van, her heart is thumping abnormally, very obvious that she's excited and happy about this. Once she reached the van, she immediately hopped inside with very expectant eyes **" oh? Why do you look so disappointed? "** Seulgi raised her brows.

 

 **" unnie!!! "** Joy didn't mind Seulgi's statement and just threw herself to her unnie **" I miss you so much! I thought I should be involved in another accident before we see each other again! "** that earned Joy a hit on her head.

 

 **" you didn't even greet us a Merry Christmas or a happy new year! You didn't get in touch with us as you promised! Ugh, I really hate you right now but I miss you too "** Joy pouted like a child.

 

 **" but you seem so disappointed when you saw me, expecting somebody else, aren't you? "** Seulgi poked Joy's side and so the girl immediately wiggled like a worm **" I didn't! I'm really happy to see you unnie! "** Joy squealed.

 

 **" liar "** Seulgi pouted this time **" you're expecting your boyfriend, aren't you? "** Joy blushed quickly when Seulgi mentioned about her love life **" I didn't raise you to be a flirt! "** Seulgi pinched Joy's cheeks.

 

 **" but you're the one who supported and even tolerated me on this one! "** Joy stuck out her tongue and Seulgi can only nod her head because Joy's indeed correct. Seulgi lowkey made Joy's relationship with Sungjae happen.

 

_3 years had passed since 'We got married'; Joy and Sungjae had cut off their contact with each other to prevent any scandal between them and besides they are too busy to even date each other, it will surely just going to lead into a lot of misunderstandings if they will push it through._

 

_Despite that, Joy and Sungjae are indeed has something about each other, they are just suppressing it for the sake of their fans and the group. They knew it can either lead to a good thing or a destructible one._

 

_**" Sooyoung-ah! "** Seulgi handed Joy a piece of paper **" someone wants to give you that "** Seulgi winked at the younger girl and sat beside her. They are at a big event where a lot of big idol groups are invited to perform._

 

_Joy unfolded the paper and saw a number on it **" unnie, are we rookies? Why do you even accept these kinds of thing? "** Joy frowned at her unnie and giggled **" did they bribed you or something? "**_

 

_**" oh Sooyoung, you'll like that number "** Seulgi raised her six fingers " **Eunkwang oppa handed me that, yep, that's his number "** Seulgi nodded her head._

 

_Joy pouted and shook her head **" why do I have to be the one who should message him first? "** she sulkily asked as she plays with the paper but gentle enough to not tear it apart._

 

_**" because we all know that he's a coward and you're a bulldozer— c'mon just make the first move and if he didn't respond then... "** Seulgi shrugged **" his lost "**_

 

_**" but unnie, why are you giving me this kind of trouble? "** Joy raised the paper **" you know something will happen if ever this blew up, right? "**_

 

_**" Sooyoung-ah "** Seulgi caressed Joy's hair **" I want you to be happy and if the world turns their back against you, I assure you that this unnie "** Seulgi pointed herself **" will stand by your side, always "**_

 

_**" easily said than done "** Joy shrugged **" but I'm counting on you unnie! You just gave me bait and I'm going to bite hard on this one, if things went wrong I'll sell you out "**_

 

**_" go for it Sooyoung, unnie will support you "_ **

 

It took a little while for Joy and Sungae to finally be official but all thanks to Seulgi and Eunkwang who made a move to reunite the two who thinks deeply about their group's sake before their happiness.

 

 **" Oh, by the way, when will Sungjae going out of the military? "** Seulgi curiously asked.

 

 **"** **ummm** **"** Joy counted the remaining days on her head **" in less than 150 days? I'm not sure "** she shrugged.

 

 **" wow, you seem to be very calm and collected now, I remember you bawling your eyes out when Sungjae entered the military "** Seulgi giggled when she remembers that day.

 

Joy lightly hit Seulgi's arms **" stop it unnie! "** she's very embarrassed about herself on that day as well **" but really, I'm very thankful about the food truck and everything "**

 

 **" I know you are "** Seulgi smiled **" so hang in there and do your best, araso? "**

 

 **" I promise! "** Joy exclaimed cheerfully **" but let's take a picture first, I wanna get Yerim envy about this "** she giggled and took out her phone to get a picture with her lovely unnie.

 

* * *

 

It's that time of the day where Irene and Seulgi can see each other. It's 2 in the morning and it's the first time they've seen each other since they went on their short vacation— it's been almost half a month now.

 

 **" have you stopped smoking? "** Irene asked as she leans on the hood of Seulgi's car. They are at a place where they can see the city lights, the place is pretty far and no one really dares to go there at this hour.

 

 **" want to check? "** Seulgi turned her head to Irene's direction **" you can taste me if you want "** she cheekily smiled.

 

 **" if you want to be kissed, you can directly say it to me "** Irene giggled. Their eyes are twinkling as they look upon each other like there are stars on those dark orbs. If someone may see them, they can immediately say that the two are deeply and madly in love with each other.

 

 **" I want a kiss unnie "** Seulgi bit her lip and she doesn't have to say more for Irene quickly comply to the younger girl's request, moving in front of Seulgi and Seulgi automatically wrapping her arms around her unnie's waist.

 

Like their past kisses, it still feels magical, their lips are tingling from every kiss they share. The warmth of their touch on each other's skin and the distinct fragrance of each other— it makes them want to hold onto each other for the rest of the day. 

 

 **" aren't you getting scared that someone might see us? "** Seulgi asked, still on the same position and just looking at the each other's eyes. The city lights might be very pretty but Irene's eyes are much prettier than any lights out there and the feeling of it same goes for Irene. 

 

 **" I am, I'm very afraid "** Irene weakly smiled and rested her head on Seulgi's chest where she can feel the girl's fast and strong heartbeat.

 

 **" I'm sorry for being in love with you "** Seulgi softly said as she held Irene tighter.

 

They stayed that way, just being contented with each other's warmth and the cold breeze of the air. No one's talking but neither of them find it awkward and instead, they feel very comfortable and satisfied.

 

**" unnie? "**

 

**" hmmm? "**

 

 **" what are you** **thinking** **"** Seulgi asked.

 

**" just... I'm thinking about the future "**

 

 **" future? "** Irene nodded her head **" am I part of that future you're thinking about? Am I included in those plans? "**

 

It took Irene a couple of minutes to respond on Seulgi's question **" I want you to be "** she answered in a very low voice **" I desperately want you to be... "**

 

 **" why do I feel like there will be a 'but' after that? "** Seulgi asked and Irene can only bite her lip and be reminded of what happened a couple weeks ago—

 

_Irene was called by the agency, she's been the only artist who constantly meets with the CEO these past few months and other artists may see it as a lucky opportunity but for Irene, meeting the CEO only means one thing: misery._

 

_**" I heard what happened between you and Taeyong's fans, are you okay? "** the CEO asked and Irene just nodded her head. She knew the CEO didn't call her for mere 'how are you?' and 'are you okay', she has a hunch of what the CEO is going to talk about but she just really hopes that it isn't it._

 

_**" we're planning on releasing a break up statement about you and Taeyong soon "** the CEO announce and Irene can only say thank you inside her mind **" but that isn't the thing that I want to talk to you about today— "** the CEO pressed his lips and pushed an envelope in front of Irene, the same envelope from the first meeting._

 

_**" you probably know what's inside. Why not open it? The pictures seem to be very pictorial like, maybe you would like to have one or two from those "** Irene can only drop her head down, the CEO might be talking very calmly right now, but Irene knew that the CEO is raging inside._

 

_**" I already told you... "** the CEO sighed **" how many times do I have to tell you!? Should I hire some bodyguards for you!? Do you know how much of a fortune I gave out for those pictures to be deleted!? For those pictures not to be published!? "**_

 

**_" oh my God, Irene! Come to your senses! I won't be letting the agency go bankrupt just to protect you. I can kick you out right now but I'm being considerate here for the other girls— aren't you really think about your members!? Are you going to keep on being selfish about this!? "_ **

 

**_" if you think that you can do everything you want while being in this industry— well, Ms. Bae, wake up. As long as you're in this agency, no, as long as you're doing business in this industry, you can't do anything you want— you can't do just anything you please "_ **

 

_Irene bit her lip, why does it have to be like that? All she wanted to do is to perform and be able to do music and at the same time be with people she wants to be with but why does it feel like she can't do both? Why does she have to choose only one?_

 

**_" for you to be able to survive, you have to listen to us— life isn't a flowery road as you think it might be, life is a thorny and muddy road and that's the fact. The only way you can do to keep on walking is to tighten your grip on and come to your senses "_ **

 

_**" this is the last time I'm going to protect your image from everyone— now Irene, I'm going to ask you. Is it going to be your career or relationship with Seulgi? "** Irene's hands immediately got cold, her heart slowed down and her mind went blank. She looked hopelessly at the CEO, begging for him not to make her choose._

 

_**" if you choose Seulgi, I won't care about your career anymore— Red Velvet's career and don't expect any support from the agency anymore "** they will be like f(x) who SM ent. made like a display **" or your career with the deal of not going to be in touch with Seulgi anymore. Choose wisely Irene "**_

 

_Irene gritted her teeth, the anger is burning inside her heart— anger towards the system of the industry and people, the agency and the CEO, and especially, the anger towards herself **" I don't have more time to spare— "**_

 

_**" my career "** Irene responded and with that, a wide grin went off  on the CEO's lips and a high drop for Irene's heart **" good choice "** the CEO brightly said_

 

**_" but I have a favor to ask you— for the last time, just this one "_ **

 

 **" your birthday is** **coming** **Seul** **"** Irene said, ignoring what Seulgi just said **" what do you want to do for your birthday? "** she distanced herself to see Seulgi's face.

 

 **" don't burden yourself "** Seulgi softly smiled **" all I need is you to be by my side "**

 

 **" but Seul, even if we separate, let's promise to both think of each other "** Irene buried her face on the crook of Seulgi's neck.

 

 **" why do I feel like... "** Seulgi shrugged off that thought **" I will always be thinking of you because, at the end of the day, it's will always be you "**


	11. 11:

_I got way too much time to be this hurt_

 

_Somebody help, it's getting worse_

 

_What do you do with a broken heart?_

 

_Once the light fades, everything is dark_

 

Sunmi slowly opened her eyes, waking up with LANY's songs is a great way to start a day. She reached for her phone and stopped her alarm but before she may wash up and grab something to eat, she opened her SNS and checked some news about what's going on with Korea whilst she's sleeping.

 

" **Hyuna is engaged!? Daebak, I shouldn't forget to message her later this day "** she murmured to herself when she saw an article according to Hyuna's engagement to E'dawn who's her boyfriend for years now.

 

 **" ugh... now I'm feeling old and lonely "** she sighed to herself and complained about how unfortunate she is when it comes to love life. As she scrolls through the news, an article made Sunmi fully awake, eyes wide open and even her mouth.

 

_'Seulgi spotted on Incheon airport. Kang Seulgi's back!'_

 

Faster than flash, Sunmi opened the article and alas! It's really Kang Seulgi. Sunmi's heart is beating fast because of the overflowing happiness that she's feeling, for some reason she's tearing up as well. 

 

Seulgi disappeared from everyone's eyes without any words last year and didn't bother to come back for at least a year really broke her heart and now, she thought she'll be angry once Seulgi comes back but it's the opposite of what she's feeling right now— right now, Sunmi wants to see Seulgi and hug her tight.

 

Sunmi immediately hopped out of her bed, brushed her teeth, washed her face and put on some decent shirt and pants before running out of her apartment to go to the agency.

 

Last year, their agency announced Seulgi's indefinite hiatus which made everyone confuse and left them wondering— _what is it now? Why is she having hiatus? Her career as a solo is a hit, so why?_ The questions that stirred up from that announcement.

 

Sunmi wasn't aware of what's happening either, she even stormed to the agency but her annoyance and anger didn't do anything to change what's happening because the agency told her that it was Seulgi's decision herself and before Sunmi may even talk to the younger girl, Seulgi is nowhere to be found.

 

 **" good— "** Sunmi didn't even listen to the staff's greetings as she walks rushingly towards the CEO's office. She's so eager to know what's happening about Seulgi right now.

 

Sunmi knocked exactly three times on the CEO's door and opened it **" CEO-nim... "** Sunmi pursed her lips and her eyes widened as wide as she can possibly do when she saw that familiar person who she misses the most—

 

 **" unnie "** Seulgi waved her hand and stood up from her seat to greet her unnie **" ugh— unnie "** Seulgi chuckled when Sunmi threw herself to her, hugging her tightly like there's no tomorrow **" unnie...** **uhhh** **... I can't breath "** she tapped Sunmi's shoulders like they are playing some sort of wrestling game.

 

Sunmi let go of Seulgi, eyes tearing up and nose starting to get red **" where were you!? Why didn't you told me where you going!? Don't you know how shock I was when you disappeared and how angry I am!? "** Sunmi started to nag— _as expected, unnie didn't change even a bit,_ Seulgi smiled.

 

 **" I'm really sorry unnie "** Seulgi held her unnie's hand and started to gently caress it as Sunmi began to bawl her eyes out like a kid **" you're not going to leave without any words again, right? Don't do that again! "** Sunmi aggressively demanded.

 

Seulgi chuckled, eyes disappearing as her lips are forming wide smiles **" araso, araso "** she responded to her unnie's demand.

 

On the day after Seulgi's birthday, she has disappeared. No trace of where she went or any goodbyes that she left her loved ones; she just left with a heavy heart and a broken one. In her escape, she hopes to come back fixed and able to go on without a fuss, she left to find herself.

 

_**" unnie "** Seulgi snapped her fingers when she saw Irene gawking over her **" it's my birthday but instead of my ice cream cake, it will be me who will melt over your stares "** she jokingly said._

 

_Irene flashed a weak smile **" happy birthday Seul.. "** she softly said **"I'm really glad you were born "** Seulgi's looking over Irene's eyes, those eyes are genuinely looking very happy and sincere yet so sad and hurt. Somehow, Seulgi knew what's going to happen next._

 

_Seulgi moved closer to Irene, pulling the girl towards her and wrapping her arms around Irene's body **" why? "** Irene asked._

 

_Seulgi shook her head **" nothing, I just wanna hold you "** she said. They remained in that position for a couple of minutes before Seulgi finally let go of her hold from Irene **" you have something to tell me, right? Go on "** she said._

 

_Irene lowered her head, unable to look at Seulgi's eyes— she doesn't want to see Seulgi's sadness and she definitely doesn't want for Seulgi to see her pain in her eyes **" Joohyun unnie... "** Seulgi reached for Irene's chin and lifted her head up **" say it now, that way you won't be uncomfortable throughout the**_ **_day_ ** _**"** Seulgi said._

 

_**" Seul... "** Irene gritted her teeth, tears about to come out **" Seul we need to... we need to end this now "** she choked on her words but Seulgi definitely understood what Irene wants to happen._

 

_Seulgi knew that this day would eventually come but she didn't expect that the painful day would come at her birthday— exactly on my birthday? What a bullshit **" unnie, I just want to hear this from you, at least just give me this one before you leave me "** Seulgi tried her very best to smile._

 

_**" unnie, did you loved me? I want to hear it from you unnie, you never said it, I never heard it come out from your mouth— it's always me who say those words "** Seulgi paused a bit **" I won't be curious about anything else, I just want to know your heart "** she asks._

 

_**" Seul... "** Irene's forehead creased, she has never said those words and she still doesn't want to say those words, especially not now that she's saying goodbye. _

 

_**" please unnie, just answer it. If no then just say you didn't love me, if yes then say you love me. I won't ask anything more "** Seulgi pleads._

 

_**" let's not make things hard for you Seul, please "** Irene bits her lip as her tears successfully escaped her eyes **" but I want to hear it unnie, please "** Irene can only shut her eyes and slowly utter the words that she kept hidden inside her heart for a long time **" Seul... "** she murmurs as she sobs._

 

_**" I love you unnie "** Seulgi sincerely said._

 

_**" so do I Seul "** Irene opened her eyes and what welcomed her sight was Seulgi looking very in love towards her, like her eyes were only meant for her and nobody else **" I love you Seul "** those words made Seulgi smile, enough to make her eyes disappear._

 

_**" I've been wanting to hear those words from you for a very long time "** Seulgi happily said **" but it's just unfortunate that I had to hear those words as a kind of goodbye from you unnie "** Seulgi took time to wipe Irene's tears than to wipe her own. Well, it has been always that way even from the very beginning. _ _Irene_ _first before anyone else even herself comes second._

 

**_" thank you for making me feel everything that there is to_ ** **_feel_ ** _**"** Seulgi said **" happiness, loneliness, pain, love and a lot more. Knowing those feelings, nothing more can hit me as quite as hard again. I think I can overcome everything now "** Seulgi sincerely thanked Irene._

 

**_" nothing will be as beautiful as the things you've made me felt but nothing will be as painful as well "_ **

 

_Irene can't utter any word as her sobs began to get stronger and stronger, she just slowly wrapped her arms around Seulgi's neck and planted a kiss on the younger girl's lips— like a sin, Seulgi's lip is a forbidden fruit that she wants to taste._

 

_**" happy birthday to me "** Seulgi murmured as their lips parted from each other._

 

 **" I'm really glad you're back** **Seul** **"** Sunmi said.

 

**" I am as well "**

 

* * *

 

 **" Seulgi unnie's back, I guess this is true "** Joy showed her phone with the article to Yeri who seems to be very busy with a fashion magazine **" will she meet us? What do you think? "** the maknae just shrugged.

 

 **" if she doesn't want to then it's fine "** Yeri glanced at Joy **" I mean... she must have taken a lot of courage to leave and to come back. Seeing us would be somehow a bit too early for her, I guess. What's more important is she's back and looking better, isn't it? "**

 

 **" ayooo— if the Yeri last year would be in this position I bet she's going to freak out and find a way to see Seulgi unnie! "** Joy laughed at the sudden maturity of the maknae.

 

 **" I look matured, aren't I? "** Yeri laughed at herself as well **" but do you think Irene unnie's fine by now? "** she worriedly asked. The Red Velvet members are now living separately from each other— they are now back on their parent's house or in some high-end apartments. 

 

 **" maybe not? Maybe yes? We'll never know "** Joy shrugs.

 

The rest of the Red Velvet members have found out what exactly is the reason for Seulgi's departure from the group. The truth that they had been wanting to have for a very long time has finally uncovered.

 

_Irene went back to the dorm looking like a mess, eyes are puffy due to excessive crying and face a bit red because she had a few drinks before coming back home. It's been a week since everything about her and Seulgi ended and Seulgi is nowhere to be found._

 

_**" unnie! "** Wendy rushed to the door as soon as Irene opened it, Irene has barely made it to the dorm because she's drunk **" what the hell has happened to you!? "** Wendy exclaimed as she helps the older girl to walk towards the couch in the living room._

 

_**" you've been drinking and being a mess! "** Yeri shouted **" did you know how many articles about you being alcoholic has released since last week!? Jeez! Get your shit together! "** she burst out._

 

_**" Yerim "** Wendy stopped the maknae **" she's drunk. Go inside your room, I'll handle this "**_

 

_**" you! "** Irene pointed _ _Yeri_ _**" you think everything's easy for me!? Being a leader is easy!? Just because I have a lot of jobs lined up for me, many CF deals and being the center of the group, do you think I feel lucky for it!? Fuck everything! I sacrificed everything to save this fucking group! To save everyone's career! I sacrificed my own fucking happiness! Gosh, I'm so exhausted about everything! "** Irene shouted like a mad woman._

 

_**" then tell us what's making everything so fucking difficult! Make us understand! Don't just carry shits on your shoulders! Say the problem to us so we can understand! "** Yeri shouted _ _back_ _**" we ask you to be our leader, not to be the person who will carry all the burdens! We're a group! "** Wendy calmed the raging maknae by holding her._

 

**_" we don't understand a thing! We're fucking lost all God damn time! You're complaining how difficult things is for you but things are difficult for us as well because we don't know where we should put ourselves! How can we help or what! "_ **

 

**_" you keep things all by yourself because of what!? We? I? Can't do anything about it? Fuck your concept and thinking! Tell us what's wrong, that way even we cannot help, you can at least have relief in your heart instead of relying on those fucking alcohols! "_ **

 

**_" we are not just a display here unnie, rely on us even a bit, we are not as useless as you think we are! "_ **

 

_**" stop this Yerim-ah "** Wendy pleads **" just go to your room, she's drunk, don't make this**_ **_big_ ** _**"** she asks and Yeri is about to leave when Irene stood up from the couch—_

 

_**" you wanna know everything? The truth? Fine! I'll give you the truth! "** Irene shouted **" I'm devastated because I cannot see Seulgi anymore! Because of the situation I cannot be with someone I can be happy and I can be my true self with! "** Yeri and Wendy were taken aback by Irene's words._

 

_**" yes! We are damn in love with each other! "** Irene bitterly laughed **" but loving is such a sin in this world we're living in, especially loving someone the same gender as you "**_

 

_**" unnie... "** Wendy looked over Irene with sympathy on her eyes._

 

**_" Seulgi was kicked out because of that— I run every day to her after that. That set up has been going on but the company once again found out our little paradise with each other "_ **

 

_**" the company made me chose, whether my career or Seulgi "** Irene bit her lip as she suppresses her tears **" I can give up my career but how can I give up your career? It's not only our career that's on the line. I can't be selfish but God knows how much I wanna be so selfish— "** Irene collapsed on the floor, letting herself out— crying and knocking the floor with her fist._

 

_**" unnie stop "** Wendy rushed to Irene, trying to stop her from hurting herself **" please stop "**_

 

_**" I fucking love Seulgi but why does it seem so hard? What's so wrong about loving someone so dearly!? Why is it so unfair!? "** Yeri rushed towards Irene as well, hugging the older girl and repeatedly apologizing to her._

 

* * *

 

_**" will you miss me when I'm gone? "** Seulgi asked as they walk hand in hand, fingers tightly intertwined **" hmm? "** she looked over Irene who's already looking at her._

 

_Irene shook her head to answer Seulgi's question **" I'm gonna miss me because, without you, I can never be myself. You bring out the best and the real me "** she softly smiled._

 

Irene woke up from her sleep with tears soaking her face, she has dreamt of her again. Every single day since Seulgi left, there was no day that she didn't dream of Seulgi— Seulgi left her life for good but she hasn't left her mind at all.

 

Every day is like a cycle for Irene, she didn't bother to live her life, she just buried and focused on her career because after all, she has chosen that over the love of her life. A day would start with work and end with another work, Irene was like a programmed robot to smile and perform in front of the crowd.

 

And even she wanted to smile genuinely to all of the people who are supporting her, she cannot smile truly because she knew to herself that she's broken and lonely.

 

 **" unnie! "** Wendy rushed over Irene as soon as she saw her walking towards the set **" have you— "** Irene cut her off with a slight smile and a quick **" yes "**

 

 **" arent' you... going to see her? "** Wendy frowned, asking very cautiously.

 

Irene shook her head and sat beside Wendy, they are going to shoot something today **" what change will it do? If we see each other and reconcile, the past will only repeat itself. We're a prisoner in this world "** Irene calmly said.

 

Wendy can only nod her head and sympathize her unnie's pain, she can never understand the pain and loneliness that the girl is feeling for she has never been in that position. All she can do now is be with her unnie and make her feel that she's not all alone.

 

Wendy's checking her social media, her fingers unconsciously searched for Seulgi's account and there she saw a new post with a caption _'when I was in Europe'_ it's a picture of Seulgi smiling dearly as she poses into those locks that people left in the bridge.

 

Wendy can't help but to remember what Seulgi wished 4 years ago when they went to Europe to film 'Level up season 3'

 

_**" let's go back here 10 years from now and see if our locks are still here! "** Seulgi enthusiastically said._

 

Wendy smiles as she stares at the picture of Seulgi— _she looks healthy and okay, I'm glad that she's back,_ she thought to herself but her adoration and happiness turned into shock when she accidentally liked the picture. Her eyes widened and even her mouth gaped.

 

 **" Oh, shit... "** she can only curse and bit her lip, wondering if she has to unlike it or leave it there **" pabo-ya! Pabo!** " she repeatedly hit her head and locked her phone— _it will be an issue if I unlike it, whatever I do it will be an issue, whatever!_

 

* * *

 

Seulgi's come back at the spotlight created a huge buzz among people, some became excited and happy to finally see her again and some didn't seem to accept her but nonetheless, the great Kang Seulgi's back on stage to slay and give a great performance to people who would love to see her perform.

 

 **"** **nervous** **? "** Sunmi asked as she helps the younger girl on her mic **" this is your first stage after a year? "** she smiled.

 

 **" actually no "** Seulgi begged to disagree **" I actually perform whilst I'm away but the difference is I perform in smaller crowds and the atmosphere there is chill and easy "** she reminisces the things that happened to her for the past year.

 

 **" did you love it? "** Sunmi asked and Seulgi happily nodded her head **" I felt more like a human and a musician there, singing and doing everything I want "** Seulgi responded.

 

**" it's lucky that you decided to come back then "**

 

Seulgi giggled **" of course I missed my unnie! "** she exclaimed making Sunmi make face due to that cheesy response **" but I just miss the huge crowd, the adrenaline I feel whenever I step on stage and see the ocean of people shouting in support and singing along with me, filling the place with my song— this life is hard but I already came to love it, I think I will always crave for huge stages and large crowd "**

 

 **" then go up there and slay the night! "** Sunmi ordered her **" even if you don't ask me, I'm planning on doing that "** Seulgi winked at her unnie and left her to finally step on such a big stage.

 

Seulgi's going to perform in K-con Japan as her first stage, she barely made it but fortunately, she's Kang Seulgi so she had an advantage on having herself on the list of performers. Along with her, many prominent artists are going to perform— Chungha, Gfriend, Apink, Jo Kwon, Taemin, Twice, BTOB, iKon, Astro, the new girl group of SM and Red Velvet. 

 

Seulgi knew that Red Velvet is going to perform and there will be a possibility of them to meet— although she doesn't know how things will go if they really meet along the way, she is open to greet them.

 

In her time away for herself, she learned to heal her heart by removing everything that hurts her and accept things. Seulgi wandered around the world, staying in one country for one month or so then flying to another. She was like a lost puppy for a year but she didn't regret doing that for she has learned a lot of things, she learned things about herself and meet new people.

 

Seulgi was thankful that she did such a big step because if she didn't, she knew she's going to be fucked up— she knew she'll just come back and beg for Irene to come back if Irene is around her so she decided to pack her bags and leave far away from the stupidity she might do.

 

Things aren't easy, she started smoking again, drinking and even tempted to take illegal drugs but fortunately, she got a grip of herself and manage to walk into the right path. 

 

All those nights she spent alone in that year is full of tears and loneliness, she would sometime hurt herself for the hope of feeling something other than loneliness, she once did harm herself but thinking about the people who would be sad to see what she's doing to herself, she stopped and learned to love herself even more.

 

There were times that Seulgi would just want to book a flight back but she prevented herself from doing that and oath to herself that she won't come back unless she's done from everything and unless she can think straight and right. She doesn't want to come back running to Irene again, she doesn't want to ruin anything for the older girl once again, she doesn't want to confuse her for the second time around.

 

Even she's suffering and hurting, she would still think of Irene's sake more than hers. The selfless love she has for the girl is truly something that can drain her as a fully functioning human being.

 

 **" did you guys miss me!? "** Seulgi asked the crowd as she pants hard, her body isn't used to this anymore but she surely knew to herself that she misses this kind of feeling **" sorry for leaving! But I wish you can still give me some love and I promise to not leave you guys anymore and I'll work even harder from now on! "** everyone screamed 'yes' and some have tears on their eyes as a sign of their longing to their dear idol.

 

 **" thank you everyone "** Seulgi sincerely said and smiled genuinely as she waves her hands for she has to leave the stage now.

 

She walks off from the stage and a staff handed her a bottled of water which she gladly accepted **" nice stage Seul "** she was caught off guard to see a sunbae and a great friend of hers, she hasn't seen him for a long time and it made her happy to see her healthy and happy.

 

 **" Taemin oppa! "** she exclaimed and enthusiastically waved her hand **" it's been so long! I'm very happy to see you! "** she can't contain her excitement as her voice began to rise up.

 

 **" you've become more powerful on stage, I wish to collaborate with you in the future! "** Seulgi only shrugged, Taemin is still under SM entertainment which makes it a bit hard but Seulgi would love for that happen— after all, who would say no to a Lee Taemin?

 

 **" good luck on your stage oppa, swoon those girls' hearts "** Seulgi made that fighting pose and Taemin chuckled on how cute Seulgi is. He patted the latter's head before leaving her and stepping on stage.

 

Seulgi's on her way back to her and Sunmi's dressing room when once again she bumped into people she knew from the past. An awkward smile is given to her while she gave them a genuinely happy smile **" unnie "** Yeri softly called her.

 

 **" uh... "** Seulgi faked a cough, considering she didn't know what she has to say and how awkward the situation is **" you... you've grown, you look so beautiful "** she complimented Yeri. She has watched the girl grew and looking at her now, she can't help but mentally pat herself on the back.

 

 **" thank you "** Yeri shyly said and exchanged looks with her unnies **" ah, right! "** she exclaimed and held Joy and Wendy's hand **" we have to go to the bathroom! "** she unnaturally said and rushed off— it was so obvious that they are just making time for Irene and Seulgi.

 

The two was left on the empty hallway since everyone's busy **" uhh... how have you been? "** Seulgi asked.

 

 **" good "** Irene shortly responded.

 

 **" great "** Seulgi nods her head.

 

 **"** **yeah** **"** Irene did as well.

 

That was one of the most awkward conversations they have ever had **" uh... right "** Seulgi exclaimed and walked towards Irene and did something that made Irene's heart go wild  **" you shouldn't go around showcasing your pretty shoulders "** Seulgi said as she pulled Irene's jacket to cover the girl's shoulders.

 

Irene was only looking at Seulgi, having her up close like this feel so surreal— Irene realized how Seulgi features haven't changed, those pretty eyes remain the same, her pointed nose and lips, but there is something Irene realized that changed.

 

The way that Seulgi looks at her isn't the same from a year ago. It made Irene's heart broke into pieces, she bit her lip to suppress her feelings and prevent herself from crying.

 

 **" that's better "** Seulgi immediately stepped away from Irene **" good luck on your** **stage** **"** Seulgi said **" I better go now "** she added.

 

 **" Seul... "** Irene took her courage to look at Seulgi's eyes **" how... how are you doing? "** she has a lot of things to say to the girl but that's the only words that went off from her mouth— _out of many things I have to say, those four words... stupid._

 

Seulgi paused before answering **" I'm doing great "** she responded with a sweet smile, no any sign of pain and longingness is written in her eyes.

 

 **" that's... good "** Irene nodded her head **" I have to go now "** she rashly said because her tears are nearing to escape from her eyes.

 

 **" Oh, right! Then, goodbye "** Seulgi said and there they have walked away from each other— Irene taking the way towards the stage while Seulgi took the opposite way.

 

Irene stopped her trails as she feels her knees getting weak, she took a deep breath and calmed herself down— _I can't cry, not now,_ she continuously calmed herself down.

 

 **" unnie! "** Wendy rushed towards Irene **" are you okay? "** she asks.

 

 **" we shouldn't really have left unnie alone! "** Joy annoyedly said to Yeri **" but I just want them to talk "** Yeri shrugged.

 

 **" I'm okay, let's go and perform now "** Irene faked a smiled to assure the girls that she's okay, she kept up that smile until the end of their performance for the sake of people who took time to see them and as a performer, she's obliged to do so.

 

Although their meeting for first time in a year seemed to be very painful for Irene, she's thankful to see Seulgi, to briefly had a chance to look at Seulgi's face once again. Although she had witnessed the change on Seulgi's eyes when the girl looked at her, Irene's still holding on to the words that Seulgi has left her a year ago—

 

**_" when everything's fine, if we manage to break off from everything that is keeping us from being together— I promise to be just here, ready to accept you again. Come back to me soon "_ **

 

Those words are the last thing that Seulgi has ever said to her before the parted a year ago and still, those words are keeping Irene to get going. Reach the end of her career and come to Seulgi as the girl promised her— they will be together and be happy finally. 

 

The time might not be today, tomorrow, next week or year but Irene's hoping that the time for their love will eventually come and as long as she's alive, she won't stop from hoping and believing on their love.

 


End file.
